Why International Adoption?

When I was pregnant with Dylan, I joined Babycenter. I became part of a group for ladies who were due in January 2009 (new readers may not know that Dylan was born really early. You can find his story here). As the years have gone on we became a private group & then moved our private group over to Facebook. We have been together about 9 years now. I love this group of friends. We are all so different, but we love each other in spite of all the differences we have. One of the reasons why is because they challenge me to really think about what I believe. This week I mentioned in this group that Derrick and I were back to discussing an international adoption again. One friend asked what the cost of that would be. When I told her it would be about $25,000, another friend asked why we don't just adopt from the US with a price tag that high.

So after I got done being offended, I really began to think about it: Why do I want to adopt from overseas when I know that there are kids needing families here in the US?

I just presented in church on Sunday about the state of orphans all over the world. There are currently over 104,000 kids available for adoption in the United States, around 230 here in North Dakota. Foster care adoption is a post for another day, but we have also looked through tons of profiles of kids here in the states. Believe me, adoption in some capacity is never far from our minds. It is a discussion that happens almost daily in our house, between Derrick & myself, & with our boys.

But here is the deal with international adoption. Those kids have no way out.

Heavenleigh - died 2015

Very severely disabled kids are moved from a "baby house," where they may have had decent care, to adult mental institutions when they are still young children. They are not seen as having any worth. There they are abused, neglected, & starved until they die. Some are rescued through adoption (examples include the McQuinn family & the Bloom family). If they make it to 16 (when they are too old to be adopted into the United States) there is no hope left for them. They will die, forgotten, in a crib, just to be buried & forgotten again. (These kids have all died without a family there with them. It breaks my heart. In Loving Memory)

Vance - still waiting for his chance to
be rescued from the institution.

Children with less severe disabilites, but those who are still not able to care for themselves, are maybe kept longer in "baby houses." They have a better chance of appropriate care. But again, eventually they are moved to institutions to live out their lives, usually between 5 & 10 years old.
They are stuck in a building with no stimulation, no love of a family, very little food. They often regress, turning to stimulating behaviors to entertain themselves. They, too, die younger than they should due to lack of appropriate care.

Natalie - aged out before a family was found.
I often wonder what happened to her.

Kids with lower needs - HIV, mild mental delays, mild cerebral palsy - may stay in an orphanage their whole childhood, moving from the baby house to an older child orphanage. Some of these places are great. They love the kids & do their very best to care for them. Here's where it gets tricky: yes, these kids are generally well cared for...until they turn 16 or so. Then they are handed a suitcase & sent out into the world. Some are lucky and are transferred to a trade school, but most are on their own. Many will join gangs. Most will get involved in drugs. Many of the girls will be recruited or forced into prostitution. The ones with HIV, like my sweet Christmas Miracle child Clementine, will die on the streets due to lack of medical care (or something worse happening to her). The idea of this breaks my heart. I look at their precious faces & know that there is no hope for them unless someone steps in to adopt them. (This also breaks my heart - Aged Out Before a Family was Found)


Kids in all three of these categories need families. Maybe that sentence should actually just say, "Kids need families." We all need someone to encourage us, love us, hold us when we cry, take care of us, be there for us. No one should be alone in the world.

So, why would I adopt internationally when I could adopt here in the states? I feel like my heart is called to adoption. I feel like God draws my heart towards certain kids, in the same way that you are drawn to certain people as friends or as a spouse. I feel this way about both international kids & US foster care kids. Can I adopt all of those kids? Of course not...but I still want to see them in a home!

I'm not really sure how to end this. I want to adopt - that is no secret to anyone. What that looks like, I'm not sure. Right now, we keep doing foster care, waiting to see who God brings into our lives. And I keep advocating for kids, both here & overseas.

*This is the video I showed at church Sunday. It features both international & North Dakota children available for adoption. They are real people. Look at their faces. If one stands out to you as someone who could be your child or as someone you could advocate for, contact me & I will get you all the information I can!