Today we are celebrating our first Easter away from home. The first time we have celebrated the resurrection of Christ without family to share it with. While that is sad for us, we feel blessed to have awesome friends who have invited us to spend the afternoon with them.
As I reflected on Easter this morning, my mind was taken back to Easter two years ago. It did not fall on the same weekend - it was actually a weekend in mid-April. The week before Easter, we had discovered that we had miscarried our sweet baby at 10 weeks. I had a D&C to deliver our baby on the Thursday before Good Friday. As we headed to church that Easter Sunday, I was still recovering, emotionally, spiritually and physically. That is the nice way of saying that I was a mess. I was so heartbroken over the loss of my tiny baby that I didn't know if I could even make it through the day. I know I went through the motions that day. I attended the Sunrise Service, ate the awesome breakfast, watched Dylan hunt for Easter eggs, & sang in the choir. It was a struggle to sing about Christ's resurrection all the while remembering my baby who had died & who God had not healed, even through I prayed & prayed that he would.
I am still emotional as I think about that baby who would be 17 months old this Easter. It makes me sad that we won't get to meet & enjoy that baby until we get to heaven one day. My heart still aches from that loss. I can tell you that I still don't understand why that baby was taken from us. I have some theories, but I know I won't ever fully know why until God tells me someday. But one thing that I am sure of - God gives & God takes away. Sometimes it is easy to focus on only how God takes away.
This weekend, at the Good Friday service, I was reminded that I not the only woman who has lost a child. Mary, the mother of Jesus, saw her oldest son, her first baby boy, suffer and die on the cross. What unimaginable pain for a mother. I was also reminded that while Jesus was God & understood the purpose behind his death, his mother was fully human & was watching her baby suffer for reasons she did not understand. She didn't know that he would rise again. She wasn't aware of the full picture surrounding her son's death until he came back to Earth. And even then, while I am sure she believed in him, I would assume that she still didn't fully understand. I feel like I am in kind of the same boat as Mary in regards to the baby we lost. I don't understand it, but God does, and He always works out things for good & for His purposes.
This Easter, I am well aware of how God takes away, but I am also thankful for what he gives us.
Last night, on the eve of the 3rd Easter since we lost our tiny baby, Derrick was able to feel the movement of the new baby that God has blessed us with. God has given me a very easy pregnancy this time, a true gift after the hard pregnancy with Dylan in 2008 & the miscarriage in 2011. We feel so thankful for this baby boy who will be joining us this summer. We are grateful that God chose to give us another child. And we are thankful that Mary's Son did not stay dead, but that he came back to life to save us all from eternity in hell away from Him. I am thankful that God is in control, even when we don't understand what He is doing.
And I am thankful for our sweet 4 year old who is already here with us. I will leave you with another Dylan-ism: This morning, Dylan wanted to know all the names of Jesus. I told him that he is called Jesus, God, Son of God. He reminded me about the name Lamb of God. Then I told him that sometimes Jesus is also called Redeemer. Dylan looked at me a minute, then asked me, "Why do they call Jesus a lemur?"
So today, remember to celebrate Jesus the Lemur!...I mean, Jesus the Redeemer!
