Quotes From All The Kids - April through November 2016

Kids. They may make us crazy, but at least they are entertaining! Please enjoy some quotes from the kids in our home over the past 6 months.






"I fart a lot." - S, age 5, while sitting on my lap

Fryfries = French fries
Melomelon = Watermelon
- S, age 5

Child whose parents were arrested for drugs (age 8): "That's (insert policeman's name) house. He's my dad's friend...Well, he came to our house a lot."

"That scared my ears!" - Andrew, age 3

"Look, it's Woodstock & Snoopy Doo! I mean, Snoopy. Not Snoopy Doo. That'd be silly!" - Andrew, age 3

"Andrew, where did we get you?" - me, when Andrew (age 3) was being crazy. Andrew - "Jesus maked me!"

My parents & the boys.
My mom is not in any way
ready to go to a
retirement home.

Dylan (age 7 1/2) - "Why does Grandma Niece have to keep working?"
Me - "Well, she needs to get enough money to be able to pay for her things after she stops working. Like food. And clothes. And soap. You don't want her to be smelly grandma, do you?"
Dylan - (Laughs hysterically!) "Smelly grandma!!! But, Mom, don't they already have soap at the retirement home?"









Andrew working on his memory verse - "Be kind to one another & build...a town."

"More pop-eyes?" (french fries) - E, age 2

"Andrew, why are you yelling?"
"I'm talking to Jesus!" - Andrew, age 3

Andrew - "Eslamelsa" = Esmeralda

Stay tuned to see what hilariousness they come up with during the Christmas season!

Why International Adoption?

When I was pregnant with Dylan, I joined Babycenter. I became part of a group for ladies who were due in January 2009 (new readers may not know that Dylan was born really early. You can find his story here). As the years have gone on we became a private group & then moved our private group over to Facebook. We have been together about 9 years now. I love this group of friends. We are all so different, but we love each other in spite of all the differences we have. One of the reasons why is because they challenge me to really think about what I believe. This week I mentioned in this group that Derrick and I were back to discussing an international adoption again. One friend asked what the cost of that would be. When I told her it would be about $25,000, another friend asked why we don't just adopt from the US with a price tag that high.

So after I got done being offended, I really began to think about it: Why do I want to adopt from overseas when I know that there are kids needing families here in the US?

I just presented in church on Sunday about the state of orphans all over the world. There are currently over 104,000 kids available for adoption in the United States, around 230 here in North Dakota. Foster care adoption is a post for another day, but we have also looked through tons of profiles of kids here in the states. Believe me, adoption in some capacity is never far from our minds. It is a discussion that happens almost daily in our house, between Derrick & myself, & with our boys.

But here is the deal with international adoption. Those kids have no way out.

Heavenleigh - died 2015

Very severely disabled kids are moved from a "baby house," where they may have had decent care, to adult mental institutions when they are still young children. They are not seen as having any worth. There they are abused, neglected, & starved until they die. Some are rescued through adoption (examples include the McQuinn family & the Bloom family). If they make it to 16 (when they are too old to be adopted into the United States) there is no hope left for them. They will die, forgotten, in a crib, just to be buried & forgotten again. (These kids have all died without a family there with them. It breaks my heart. In Loving Memory)

Vance - still waiting for his chance to
be rescued from the institution.

Children with less severe disabilites, but those who are still not able to care for themselves, are maybe kept longer in "baby houses." They have a better chance of appropriate care. But again, eventually they are moved to institutions to live out their lives, usually between 5 & 10 years old.
They are stuck in a building with no stimulation, no love of a family, very little food. They often regress, turning to stimulating behaviors to entertain themselves. They, too, die younger than they should due to lack of appropriate care.

Natalie - aged out before a family was found.
I often wonder what happened to her.

Kids with lower needs - HIV, mild mental delays, mild cerebral palsy - may stay in an orphanage their whole childhood, moving from the baby house to an older child orphanage. Some of these places are great. They love the kids & do their very best to care for them. Here's where it gets tricky: yes, these kids are generally well cared for...until they turn 16 or so. Then they are handed a suitcase & sent out into the world. Some are lucky and are transferred to a trade school, but most are on their own. Many will join gangs. Most will get involved in drugs. Many of the girls will be recruited or forced into prostitution. The ones with HIV, like my sweet Christmas Miracle child Clementine, will die on the streets due to lack of medical care (or something worse happening to her). The idea of this breaks my heart. I look at their precious faces & know that there is no hope for them unless someone steps in to adopt them. (This also breaks my heart - Aged Out Before a Family was Found)


Kids in all three of these categories need families. Maybe that sentence should actually just say, "Kids need families." We all need someone to encourage us, love us, hold us when we cry, take care of us, be there for us. No one should be alone in the world.

So, why would I adopt internationally when I could adopt here in the states? I feel like my heart is called to adoption. I feel like God draws my heart towards certain kids, in the same way that you are drawn to certain people as friends or as a spouse. I feel this way about both international kids & US foster care kids. Can I adopt all of those kids? Of course not...but I still want to see them in a home!

I'm not really sure how to end this. I want to adopt - that is no secret to anyone. What that looks like, I'm not sure. Right now, we keep doing foster care, waiting to see who God brings into our lives. And I keep advocating for kids, both here & overseas.

*This is the video I showed at church Sunday. It features both international & North Dakota children available for adoption. They are real people. Look at their faces. If one stands out to you as someone who could be your child or as someone you could advocate for, contact me & I will get you all the information I can!

World Adoption Day 2016

Last Sunday was Orphan Sunday. Yesterday was World Adoption Day. I knew about Orphan Sunday, but I was not aware of World Adoption Day until I saw some friends posting about it on Facebook - a smiley face drawn on the inside of the hand.

If you know me at all, you know that I am very involved with foster care, orphan care, & adoption. I LOVE being a foster mom. I love loving on kids for a while & getting to watch them transition back home to their biological families. I LOVE donating money & sharing the stories of kids who need families. I LOVE helping adoptive parents have the support they need to bring their little ones into their family. I LOVE talking adoption. It's probably my favorite ever.

So I love things that bring awareness to adoption. I thought it was neat to see my friends showing their support for adoption by sharing their smiley face hand. But what else? Awareness is the first step...then what? We can do more. We should do more. 

From a Christian perspective, I believe we are required to care for orphans. James 1:27 is my life verse: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." God himself has a track record of caring for the fatherless - 

Psalm 10:14

"But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted;
    you consider their grief and take it in hand.
The victims commit themselves to you;
    you are the helper of the fatherless."

Psalm 82:3-4

"Defend the weak and the fatherless;
    uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.
4 Rescue the weak and the needy;
    deliver them from the hand of the wicked."

But even from a non-Christian perspective...we are a very rich country. All of my Facebook friends could chose to share waiting children on their pages & give those children the exposure that can get them into their forever families. Most of my friends could afford to donate a few dollars a month to a family pursuing an adoption or to a child waiting to be adopted. Almost all of my friends could donate an item to an adopting family for them to sell to raise money for their adoption. Many of my friends could afford to care for an extra child for a short time - setting an extra dinner plate, helping 1 extra child with homework at night, kissing one more sweet face goodnight. 

Many people aren't happy with the direction our country & world are going. So much hate, so much anger. Then DO SOMETHING. Be love. Show who we are.

I blogged last week about the McQuinn family, bringing home 4 kids from Eastern Europe. I offered a $500 matching grant to that family. ZERO!!! of my friends took me up on that matching grant. ZERO! No one even donated $5. That breaks my heart. That blog post had almost 300 views. No one contacted me about giving a donation. That grant was met, but it was met by people who are strangers to me. 

Want to really make a difference? Actually do something. Participate in the awareness activities...but then donate $5. Share a waiting child. Fill out paperwork to be a foster parent. Take dinner to an adoptive family. Offer to babysit (for free!) for a family with foster or adoptive kids. 

DO SOMETHING! 

The McQuinn family leaves tomorrow to get their kids. The still need $2444.24 to be fully funded for travel. Can you give $5 to help them reach their goal & allow them to travel without the worry of finances? Donate here: http://reecesrainbow.org/107851/sponsormcquinn

Pick an child from this list to donate to. We are trying to grow these grants so families do not have to come up with so much money in order to bring them home: Miracle of Adoption Christmas Campaign

I don't want to guilt you...well, kind of I do, I guess. So many kids are waiting, not knowing the true love of a family. I am hoping to blog again later this week on what I shared at church on Sunday. I hope it will touch your heart in the way it touched mine as I prepared for it. We can all do something. Let's get out & do it.

Will You Help Me Make A Difference?

Many of my friends today are feeling very down about how the election turned this week. I am seeing it all over Facebook how disappointed, & in many cases, angry they feel. They feel like their voices werent't heard, that their vote didn't make a difference.

http://reecesrainbow.org/

Today I am going to share with you a way you CAN make a difference, no matter how you feel about the way the election went.

My Reece's Rainbow friend Amanda is in the process of adopting 4 children in an Eastern European country. She has 3 biological children, 2 who have the same muscle wasting disease as one of the children they plan to adopt. All 4 of them need out NOW! They are located in 3 different orphanages around the country & 2 of them are in a VERY BAD place! I will talk more about them in a minute.

Ricky is the first child I want to talk about. He an older boy who is about to age out. Aging out means that the child can no longer be adopted due to visa requirements. Generally children age out at 16, but since the McQuinn family committed to him before he turned 16, they are able to continue with his adoption. He needs OUT if he is going to have any sort of real future. He is a true orphan - he lived with his single mother until she passed away. He knows the love of a family & wants the chance at that love again! - Edited to add: Ricky was recently transferred to a trade school and no longer wishes to be adopted. Please pray for him as he embarks on life on his own & for the McQuinn family as they are feeling the loss of the boy they were hoping would agree to be their son. The McQuinns will be adding another boy as their fourth child (see farther in this post).

Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a precious girl with a muscle wasting disease. She is adorable! She has recently been transferred from her baby house (young children's orphanage - usually much better care than older

child orphanages or institutions). She is likely no longer getting medical care or any physical interventions. She will not survive long with no help. She needs to be scooped up & brought home NOW! 

Phoenix

Next are 2 boys who are in a VERY BAD institution. When I say that, I really mean it. These boys are not seen as precious gifts from God there. They are seen like inconveniences, something to deal with until they waste away, tied to their beds. Both boys are teenagers, but they weigh less than 35 pounds. 35 POUNDS!


For perspective, anyone who has seen Andrew knows that he is tiny. He is about 25 pounds. Tiny for his age. So tiny that we were sent to a specialist about it. These boys - TEENAGERS - weigh less than 10 pounds more than my tiny 3 year old. How they are still sustaining themselves is a miracle in itself. They need to be taken from that institution & brought home to be loved on by a Mama & Daddy.

Denzel - 2014

Denzel - those tiny legs make me sick.
His newest picture is worse than this.

Phoenix is 14 years old. He is 35 pounds & under 3 feet tall. Denzel is 15 years old & is likely in worse condition than that. The picture of Denzel that I can share is from 2014, and while he was little, he had pudgy cheeks and almost a smile. I have seen a more recent picture & I can only describe it at horrifying. I cannot believe that people can starve children to the point that these children have been. They need out of that place.

THEY. NEED. OUT.

Matt

Last is this sweet little guy who is being added in place of Ricky. Look at that smile! His advocacy name is Matt. He is only 5 and the McQuinn family wants to make sure he will not suffer in the way that their others have been. They want to get him out NOW, so that he will not experience the abuse that can (and usually does) come from being in an institution.








Now, I do not know Amanda and her husband well. I have never met them in person and there is a good chance I never will. But here is what I do know:

- While they have 2 special needs children at home, they have seen the need of children from across the ocean, they have fallen in love with them, and they are working hard to get them home.

- While in the midst of their own adoption of 4 children, they worked to support other adopting families & helped them with fundraisers to help get those kids home, too.

- While worried about the future of her children, Amanda selected a child ( Quinn )  to support during the Miracle of Adoption at Christmas Campaign & has been donating some of her fundraised money to make his grant bigger, hoping to relieve some of the financial burden on a family who may want to adopt him.

- She has given me tons of information about adoption & has been able to tell me a few things regarding my MACC child (more about her in another post)




Amanda travels in 1 week. She is about $4500 short on an adoption the will ultimately cost around $60,000. To be this close to bringing all 4 home & not be able to because of less than $5000 would be awful. I want to see these kids come home. I want Amanda to not worry about money while she is traveling to be with her children. I want to see them at home a year from now, fat & happy, loved & free.

Forest Ornaments - so cute!

So, friends, here is your opportunity to be the good you want to see.

First, Amanda has a fundraiser

- pick a box on her chart (1-100), pay the amount in the box, and you get entered to win a gift card. If you are interested in this, contact me & I will get you information about which numbers are left. Last time I checked many of the boxes in the 70s & 80s were still available.

- another friend (also from North Dakota!) is selling adorable ornaments with the proceeds going to the McQuinn adoption.

- Lastly, I want to offer a challenge to my friends: I will personally donate up to $500...but I want it matched by YOU. For every dollar donated by one of my friends, I will put that amount into the McQuinn FSP. You can donate here: http://reecesrainbow.org/107851/sponsormcquinn Send me a screenshot of your donation & I will put mine contribution in.

Let's do this. Let's make a real difference for someone today.

Reece's Rainbow - Miracle Makers, part 2

So a couple of weeks ago I shared the story of Lynda, the precious little girl I had signed up to advocate for during this holiday season. I still smile when I remember that she will be home with her forever family soon! (The Petersen family will be bringing her home!)

So now Lynda has a family. My second choice child was Clementine, another little girl from Eastern Europe. There is very little information on Clementine's page. She is about 6 years old. She has some delays. She has 2 blood diseases. But that's all that is listed. A few tiny sentences to sum up this little girl - that is so sad.

Adorable little Clementine -
look at that precious face!

This little girl drew me in with her sweet little smile, her precious pigtails, her dirty knees. She looks like any other child...but she is growing up in an orphanage. She lives every day with no family. No mama to kiss her precious cheeks, to brush her dark hair, to wipe her dirty knees. No daddy to read her stories, to snuggle her close, to tell her that she is a child of God. It breaks my heart to think about her having no one to call her own.

I reread the paragraph above & it brings tears to my eyes. I would love nothing more than to fly to Europe & bust her out of that orphanage forever & bring her home. Unfortunately we are not at a place where we can adopt internationally right now, so I am doing what I can. I am sharing sweet little Clementine with you right now. Can you share her, too? Share the link above & get her picture out there. Share my blog with her information. Give out my info to anyone who might be interested in learning more about how to start the process of adopting her (or any other Reece's Rainbow child) & I will get them connected with someone who can help them start that process.

Okay, so back to the actual point of this blog: I am raising money for Clementine between November 1st and December 31. My goal is to raise $1000 for her grant. Currently her grant is at $329.40. I will be posting a facebook album in the next couple of days with things for sale. All money from those sales will be going into Clementine's Miracle grant. I am also taking crochet orders - 70% or more of the price of ordered items will go to Clementine. I'd love to have your support as I work to support this sweet little girl! Please consider making a purchase or giving a donation to Clementine's grant starting on November 1st!

Reece's Rainbow - Miracle Makers, Part 1

Reece's Rainbow is a website you see a lot on my facebook page. They are a group (company?) who features kids who are available for adoption, most of which have special needs. Along with featuring children, they help support adoptive families through FSPs (Family Sponsorship Program). When you donate to Reece's Rainbow you can choose to support an adopting family or a child who is waiting to be adopted.

I can't tell you exactly how I became connected with RR, but I think it was through my friend Kami when she was in the process of the adoption of her precious daughter. (Read her story at https://forgoodblog.wordpress.com/ ) I was touched by the families, the children, & those who advocate for both. I got involved. I shared kids. I donated money. I did what I could. I became a family warrior, first for Kami's family, & then, once they were home, for the Adair family (http://adairfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/).

Since the Adairs came home, I haven't done much in the way of advocating. Honestly, I was overwhelmed with our move to North Dakota, our foster license, our kids, our foster kids, our new roles as the pastoral family. So many things were going on & I didn't feel able to do anything more than I was already doing. Along with my own stuff, I became overwhelmed with the kids available for adoption. I had seen so many of my favorites get adopted & go home to be with their forever families, but the number left just seemed like too much. So many kids - so much suffering - so many families trying to raise the money for their waiting kids to come home.

Then a couple of months ago I was reminded of the program that Reece's Rainbow does around Christmas every year. RR opens up a time to support specific children. In the past anyone who wanted to pick a child could do so & there were unlimited spots. If you were willing to try to raise funds for a child, then they let you do it! The goal is to raise $1000 for your waiting child. Being that everyone has some "favorites" that they are hoping get adopted, there are many children chosen & featured through the Christmas season. This leads to lots of kids being seen, but it is a struggle for some people to raise funds because the RR community is so saturated with everyone trying to raise their part.

Sweet little Lynda

This year RR changed things up a bit. The leadership decided to only open the program to the first 100 supporters to sign up. I had never been involved with this before, but my heart kept going to a little girl I NEEDED to see featured. Her name was Lynda & she was one that I have seen on the RR database for years, with no update to her information page & very little mention of her in the RR community. I would have brought her home in a second if we were able to. So I signed up to be a Miracle Maker this Christmas. I picked Lynda as my first choice, then I had to pick 2 more (in case Lynda had already been chosen by someone else). I received word in mid September that I was assigned Lynda for the Christmas season. I was SO excited! I started thinking of how I would raise funds for her & I started working on some projects, but since Miracle Makers doesn't start until November 1st, I didn't do too much.

About a week ago I got an email from a lady who works at Reece's Rainbow. The email was titled "Re: Lynda FOUND her family!!" Wait...what?! So in a frenzy, I open the email. It simply said, "Lynda has found her forever Family!!! Would you like to go with your second choice, Clementine?"

Again, wait...what?! I was so thrilled I almost cried! This little girl, whose tiny face has broken my heart for years, has a family? Her family will be coming for her! Unfortunately, that makes her unable to participate in Miracle Makers as it is just for kids with no family. I would love to be able to advocate for Lynda, but I would much rather she has a family & I am hoping I will be able to help them get her home, too! Her family's FSP should be up soon & I will share it then! (Her family does have a YouCaring account - https://www.youcaring.com/karleigh-petersen-551472 )


So back to the question in the email...would I take my second choice, Clementine? Um, of course!!! I emailed her back & told her that I would love to be Clementine's Miracle Maker this year.

So I will be advocating for Clementine. I will share more about her in my next blog. I will be sharing her soon - or if you can't wait, go to the Reece's Rainbow website & search for her name. I would love to get an email from RR telling me she has a family, too!

Quiz Your Toddler - Andrew

QUIZ YOUR TODDLER

What's your name? "Andrew!"

How old are you? Struggles to get 3 fingers up "Free. I'm free"

When is your birthday? "Tomorrow"

How old is mommy? "2"

How old is Daddy? "1"

What's your favorite color? "Orange & lellow & green. And blue. And green. And lellow. I like lellow. I like all of them."

What's your favorite food? "Pizza"

Who's your best friend? "You!"

What's your favorite show? "I like Daniel Tiger."

What's your favorite movie? "I like videos. Inside Out."

What's your favorite song? "Let It Go"

What's your favorite animal? "Giraffe"

What are you scared of? "Spiders"

What makes you happy? "Crying makes me happy."

Where is your favorite place to go? "I don't know. To the store."

What is your favorite toy? "Daniel Tiger"

What's your favorite thing to do outside? "Play with dirt."

What's your favorite dessert? "Cupcakes"

What do you want to be when you grow up? "A fireman"

Foster Care - North Dakota Edition!

Baby A the day he
came to our home!

The past 2 weekends we have spent Friday evening & Saturday all day doing our foster care training. In North Dakota you can get your license before you complete your training as long as you get your training done within the first year - we have been licensed since November. We haven't had any placements yet, although we are ready whenever they come!

Family picture for Dylan's third birthday.
Baby A was with us for 9 months!

One thing I have been thinking about a lot is how people respond when we say that we are foster parents. Everyone has been so positive & I am thankful for that. We have had so many people step up & donate things we need: beds, sheets, toys, clothes, babysitting while we are at training. It has been such a blessing to be surrounded by such loving people!

Derrick & Baby A at Dylan's birthday party.

The thing that I am struggling with the most, both on my own & with the responses of other people, is the desire to have children in our home. I want foster children to come & live with us. I want to be able to minister to families. People often say to us, "I hope you get a placement soon." And while we hope that, too, we don't want to hope that. If kids are in foster care it is because of some issue at home. Usually the issue is that the parent is abusive or neglectful or their is another issue they need to work through to be the best parent for their child. So as much as we want to have kids in our home, if they have to leave there home it is a loss. No matter what, those parents are the child's parents & it is hard for them to leave them. I don't want kids to have to experience that. I want them to be safe in their own homes. It is such a mix for us. How do you say that you want to have foster kids in your home without essentially saying that you want them to have to leave their homes?


I guess I say this to say, while you pray for us as we prepare for kids to join our family, pray that those children won't need to leave their homes. Pray that their parents work hard to keep them at home. Pray for the police, social workers, & judges who have to make hard decisions about what is best for the children because that is really why we are here. We want what is best for these kids so that they can grow up healthy & happy, whether that is with us or at home with their family.

Baby A in 2013.
We are so thankful for the relationship we have with his adoptive family!
We love watching him & his brothers grow up!

My Dad

My dad, my mom, & me. 1989

Tonight I went to dinner with Dylan. He has been feeling a little neglected since Andrew has been sick & he really needed some one on one attention. As we were eating dinner, this conversation happened:

Dylan: "Do people still hunt buffaloes the same as they did in the old times? Like with a club?
Me: "No, people probably use a gun if they are hunting buffalo, just like if they are hunting deer..."
Dylan: "Or bears!"
Me: "Yes, I suppose if you were hunting bears, you would use a gun."
Dylan: "Did Grandpa Pete hunt bears?"
Me: "No, Dylan, Grandpa Pete did not hunt bears. He didn't go hunting."

This led to a discussion about what Grandpa Pete did like to do. Grandpa Pete is my dad. He was actually Clayton Lee, which is where Andrew gets his middle name, but he was nicknamed Pete. He liked to golf. And work on cars. He liked to spend time with his friends. He watched Murder, She Wrote. He had black hair & a black mustache. He worked hard, often at 2 jobs. He loved me. He was a good dad. He died when I was 8 years old.

I honestly don't remember much about my dad and that breaks my heart. I have vague memories of certain times with him, but I just don't remember much. I was so young when he died...it's been over 22 years.

My brother, my mom, my dad, & me. 1990.

As I talked to Dylan about my dad tonight, I had to work to keep it together. I was almost in tears several times. My boys have no memories of my dad - not even ones they just think they remember because of the pictures. My husband never met my dad. I like to think that he would have been so pleased with my choice of spouse. I know he would have been a fantastic grandpa & would have adored these 2 little boys.

I am so thankful that my boys still have so many grandparents. 4 grandparents & 4 great-grandparents. There were 2 more great-grandparents living when Dylan was born - they have just passed away in the last few years. But it is hard to know that my boys will never know MY dad. That they will never be able to snuggle on his lap & talk to him about his life. So I will work to keep his memory alive through what I know about him - through pictures and things my mom has saved of his to one day pass on to my boys. I hope that I will be able to convey to them what a great man he was & how much he would have loved to be with them.

Pete Rehder's Obituary