As I sat and thought about how it's been 10 years since I got married, I am not really sure what to think. I'm excited and happy that it's been 10 years, but I just thought things would be different. I thought we'd be a lot more settled, more "adult-like." But instead, here we are, Derrick back in school, us living in an apartment, far away from family & friends we've been around our whole lives. I thought we'd get to head off on some big trip to celebrate this milestone, because 10 years is a LONG time in today's culture. Running errands, eating Sonic corn dogs, & wrestling kids to eat their dinner & go to bed was not how I pictured my 10th anniversary.
But maybe that's okay. Maybe it shows how normal my life is that on my 10th anniversary, I am at home blogging while my husband puts away laundry. The honest truth is that while I am disappointed that there is no big trip in our future, I should be thrilled to be able to celebrate this special day with the man who has held my heart since I was 14 years old.
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| Homecoming 2001 |
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| Wedding - May 22, 2004 |
When we started dating when I was 16, I think we both knew it was serious. We weren't dating for fun - we were dating in preparation for something that would last. We got engaged after dating for a year. I was 17 and we were engaged for 2 years. Derrick was away at college for part of the that time, and I was away for a different part. It was hard to be apart, but I think it helped us to figure out if we really wanted to do this. After a 2 year engagement, we were married on a stormy, then sunny, Saturday. It is funny to look back at wedding pictures now. We were so young, but so in love! Derrick was 22 and I was 19. So many things I have read says that many marriages fail before 8 years and that if you are young when you get married, the chances of divorce are even higher than normal. In the same way we approached dating as leading to marriage, we approached marriage as leading to forever. We took (take?) "until death shall part us" very seriously. That doesn't mean that there haven't been struggles.
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| Dylan - January 2011 |
When we first got married we were both in college and both worked off & on during the next 3 years until we both graduated in 2007. That was a lot of stress on a young married couple. Then we decided we wanted kids...it took us 2 years to get pregnant with Dylan, a pregnancy that ended with both of us fighting for our lives in the hospital in October 2008 . That pregnancy was followed by 2 miscarriages in early 2011. In my opinion, 2011 was the year our marriage almost fell apart. I was carrying so many left over emotions from the miscarriages that I was having a hard time putting the effort into our marriage that I should have. Put on top of that a toddler & a special needs foster infant & it was a recipe for disaster. I was ready to walk away from the marriage. I was done. Luckily, I have a wonderful, loving husband who was willing to patiently walk though my issues with me. He never once made me feel bad about my feelings. He simply helped guide me back to being able to re-focus on our family.
In late 2011 we made the decision that we would be moving to Colorado Springs in early 2012 for Derrick to go back to school for pastoral ministries. Even though it was one of the hardest things we have ever done, it was the very best thing we could have done for our family at that time. We needed to regroup...start over. Derrick and I needed to learn how to rely on each other again.
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| Andrew in the NICU - 2013 |
The past 2 years in Colorado have been some of the hardest times we have ever been through. We wanted to learn to rely on each other, but you don't realize how much family and friends do for you until you don't have any close by. Derrick started a new job and has classes at least once a week. Since moving to Colorado, we have missed several graduations, babies born, family birthdays, & the death of Derrick's
Grandpa Kakert. We also experienced the birth of our second NICU baby. We have parented our 2 little boys for over a year without consistent family help (although we do have great friends here). We have learned how much our parents helped us out. It has been hard.
It has also been the best. We have learned how God provides, even when you can't figure it out. We have worked together and been strong for each other. We have supported each other "in sickness and in health." We have grown stronger together. I have no idea what I would do without Derrick.
We have received several anniversary cards over the last few days. I love and appreciate all of them. But the one my mom sent really stuck out to me. I don't remember the whole card, but part of it says "now that you've been married a decade..." What? A decade? Wow...a decade is a long time! And here we are, entering our second decade, wondering what God has in store for us next. Derrick graduating next May? A job as a pastor? More little ones to fill our quiver (Psalm 127:4-5)? All things we want, but are willing to allow God to lead us into in His time. So I guess I don't know what the coming years will bring...but God does. And together, with God's help, I know that Derrick and I will weather whatever storms come our way.
