Foster Care: How We Became Foster Parents

Months ago I wrote a blog about international adoption, promising that at some point I would talk about foster care. Now is that time!

MOPS Tie Blankets 2017

Sometime over the summer I was contacted by one of my MOPS leaders asking if my husband & I would be interested in sharing our foster care experience on the day that we make tie blankets for Project Ignite Light. I enthusiastically agreed - I love sharing about foster care! Since I shared there, I thought I would use our notes to share our story with my blog followers, too!

First, I should share the story of how we became foster parents. When Derrick & I were teenagers, our pastor & his wife (Bill & Sue) were foster parents. They primarily took in delinquent teenage girls (bless their hearts!) I was always very impressed with how they managed those kids & how hard they worked to show Jesus to them. It was never odd to see them come into church with 4 teenage girls in tow, possibly different ones from the week before. I just thought what they did was amazing!

Pastor Bill & Sue with
Derrick & I at Christmas 2016

Even though they usually took teenage girls, there were occasions where younger kids came into their home. In 2008, they took in 2 brothers in a respite placement...that ended up being much longer than the 2 weeks it was supposed to be! This is where our stories in foster care intersected.

When Derrick & I got married, we knew that we would one day do foster care & maybe adoption. Foster care & adoption were never a "plan b" to having bio kids. We really wanted to do both. We assumed we would have bio kids first though. When we decided we were ready for kids, we found out that I have some internal issues that make it more difficult to get pregnant. After a year of trying, we just kind of thought it wasn't going to happen. In early 2008, we decided to pursue our foster care license. In talking to Pastor Bill & Sue about our classes, Sue said, "You know, I think the boys we have in our home would be a great fit for you guys."

* I have to say at this point that Sue had much more faith in us than we did! We had never parented before. I had worked at an elementary school with some difficult kids, but that is much different than parenting! But even with that, I am so glad that we took them in!

In April 2008 we were officially licensed for foster care & the 2 brothers, B (age 7) & J (age 6), moved into our home. They were very high energy, loved to test the boundaries, & really struggled with their behavior at school. They were also adorable, sweet, funny, & so smart! Our hands were full, but they were worth it. The younger boy was diagnosed with ADHD, but we never had any meds for him & we never had any problems at home with him. He did sleepwalk, so that was an exciting adventure! The older boy had some issues with male authority figures & took a swing at Derrick one day. I never had any issues like that with him & Derrick's pretty tough - he can take a hit from a 7 year old. It was not a fairytale at all, but they were good kids, considering all they had been through!

Not long after they moved in, we found out I was pregnant with Dylan. In Iowa, they are very strict about bedroom space. You have to have a certain number of square feet of bedroom space for each child. In our small 2 bedroom house, we could not have 3 children. I remember being so heartbroken that those boys would have to move again. They had become part of our family. They stayed with us throughout the summer, in which we celebrated both of their birthdays!, but we transitioned them to another foster home just before the start of the school year. Looking back, it is good that we made the choice to move them when we did since Dylan was born so early just a few weeks later.

Every move a child makes is more trauma, more adjustments, & more attachments they have to break & make again somewhere else. We hated to move them again. I felt so guilty about it, but we didn't really have any choices. Luckily, the kids were able to stay in the same school & continue attending the same church. They were at Dylan's first birthday party. Reunification with their birth family was not appropriate in their case, but we were able to see them be adopted by a sweet couple who not only adopted them, but their bio brother & another little boy, too! I don't hear from them anymore, but their other foster families do, occasionally, & they will give us updates. The boys are now 16 & 15 & last we heard they were doing well.

Those boys were our first shot at parenting. Poor kids were our guinea pigs! It was definitely a learning experience, but not one I would ever change. After Dylan was born, due to his fragile health, we took a break from doing foster care. After we reopened our foster care license, we were able to care for 5 more little ones before we moved to Colorado. Foster care is part of our life now & is something that we are passing down to our kids. A legacy of sorts. It is a passion for me & it is becoming one for the rest of my family, too.

As I share more in this series I will hopefully be able to answer more questions about foster care, details of what is required, how we deal with all the different workers in our home, how we work with birth families, & what our families & friends think about it! Please comment with any questions you have - I would LOVE to answer them!