Foster Care - North Dakota Edition!

Baby A the day he
came to our home!

The past 2 weekends we have spent Friday evening & Saturday all day doing our foster care training. In North Dakota you can get your license before you complete your training as long as you get your training done within the first year - we have been licensed since November. We haven't had any placements yet, although we are ready whenever they come!

Family picture for Dylan's third birthday.
Baby A was with us for 9 months!

One thing I have been thinking about a lot is how people respond when we say that we are foster parents. Everyone has been so positive & I am thankful for that. We have had so many people step up & donate things we need: beds, sheets, toys, clothes, babysitting while we are at training. It has been such a blessing to be surrounded by such loving people!

Derrick & Baby A at Dylan's birthday party.

The thing that I am struggling with the most, both on my own & with the responses of other people, is the desire to have children in our home. I want foster children to come & live with us. I want to be able to minister to families. People often say to us, "I hope you get a placement soon." And while we hope that, too, we don't want to hope that. If kids are in foster care it is because of some issue at home. Usually the issue is that the parent is abusive or neglectful or their is another issue they need to work through to be the best parent for their child. So as much as we want to have kids in our home, if they have to leave there home it is a loss. No matter what, those parents are the child's parents & it is hard for them to leave them. I don't want kids to have to experience that. I want them to be safe in their own homes. It is such a mix for us. How do you say that you want to have foster kids in your home without essentially saying that you want them to have to leave their homes?


I guess I say this to say, while you pray for us as we prepare for kids to join our family, pray that those children won't need to leave their homes. Pray that their parents work hard to keep them at home. Pray for the police, social workers, & judges who have to make hard decisions about what is best for the children because that is really why we are here. We want what is best for these kids so that they can grow up healthy & happy, whether that is with us or at home with their family.

Baby A in 2013.
We are so thankful for the relationship we have with his adoptive family!
We love watching him & his brothers grow up!

My Dad

My dad, my mom, & me. 1989

Tonight I went to dinner with Dylan. He has been feeling a little neglected since Andrew has been sick & he really needed some one on one attention. As we were eating dinner, this conversation happened:

Dylan: "Do people still hunt buffaloes the same as they did in the old times? Like with a club?
Me: "No, people probably use a gun if they are hunting buffalo, just like if they are hunting deer..."
Dylan: "Or bears!"
Me: "Yes, I suppose if you were hunting bears, you would use a gun."
Dylan: "Did Grandpa Pete hunt bears?"
Me: "No, Dylan, Grandpa Pete did not hunt bears. He didn't go hunting."

This led to a discussion about what Grandpa Pete did like to do. Grandpa Pete is my dad. He was actually Clayton Lee, which is where Andrew gets his middle name, but he was nicknamed Pete. He liked to golf. And work on cars. He liked to spend time with his friends. He watched Murder, She Wrote. He had black hair & a black mustache. He worked hard, often at 2 jobs. He loved me. He was a good dad. He died when I was 8 years old.

I honestly don't remember much about my dad and that breaks my heart. I have vague memories of certain times with him, but I just don't remember much. I was so young when he died...it's been over 22 years.

My brother, my mom, my dad, & me. 1990.

As I talked to Dylan about my dad tonight, I had to work to keep it together. I was almost in tears several times. My boys have no memories of my dad - not even ones they just think they remember because of the pictures. My husband never met my dad. I like to think that he would have been so pleased with my choice of spouse. I know he would have been a fantastic grandpa & would have adored these 2 little boys.

I am so thankful that my boys still have so many grandparents. 4 grandparents & 4 great-grandparents. There were 2 more great-grandparents living when Dylan was born - they have just passed away in the last few years. But it is hard to know that my boys will never know MY dad. That they will never be able to snuggle on his lap & talk to him about his life. So I will work to keep his memory alive through what I know about him - through pictures and things my mom has saved of his to one day pass on to my boys. I hope that I will be able to convey to them what a great man he was & how much he would have loved to be with them.

Pete Rehder's Obituary

More Quotes From the Boys - December 2015 - March 2016

December 2015

Dylan - "I didn't know this puzzle would be so hard."

Renee - "I'm sure you can do it."

Dylan - "Yeah, I know. I'm good at a lot of things." (December 18, 2015)

January 2016

"I'm so cute. And I am loved!" - what a blessing for my sweet boy to recognize how truly loved he is!

December 2015

Andrew

Christmas Treat = Christmas Tree

Santa says, "Ho, ho, ho, Christmas treat!"

January 2016

Man-days = mayonnaise

"Ba, ba, black sheep, have you any more?

Yes, sir, yes, sir, big bags full."

Snuggling Andrew before bed: 

Andrew: "I yike you shirt."

Me: "Thank you. I like your face."

A: "Thanks you. I yike you hair."

M: "Thank you. I like your jammies."

A: "Thank you. I yike you nose."

A few minutes later...

M: "Thank you. I like your ears."

A: "Thank you. They is so special!"

Quotes from the Boys - May through November 2015

I'm sure there have been many more hilarious things the boys have said, but here are some highlights.

Andrew

Soupman = Superman

Batban - Batman

Andrew has a problem with Ls. They never come out as Ls. Examples:
Dyyan - Dylan
Tinkle, Tinkle, Yiddle Star - Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
I sit on you yap - I sit on your lap
Yook! - Look!

He also thinks that just by adding "okay" to his statement, it automatically becomes true. Ex. -
Andrew - " I have apple juice."
Me - "No, you are having water."
Andrew - "Okay, apple juice."
Sorry, buddy, that's not how it works.

Andrew feeding Casey crackers -
"Andrew, don't give those to Casey."
"It be nice. He yike them."
How do you not let him keep doing it with logic like that?!

Dylan

While I was discussing all the laundry with Derrick.
Renee: "Ugh, the laundry. I just can't even..."
Dylan (interrupting): "resist!"
Yes, Dylan, I just can't even resist doing the laundry. 8-/

Dylan heard a commercial on the radio for JoAnn Fabrics: "Mom, do you need to go to JoAnn's?"
Me: "No, I don't think I need anything."
Dylan: "But Mom, don't you need yarn?!"
That's my boy! He just knows me so well!

34 Things We Love About Derrick!

Easter - 2015

Today is Derrick's 34th birthday. In honor of this, Dylan, Andrew, & I have come up with 34 reasons that we love him!

Andrew's first birthday

From Andrew

1. Eat with Daddy
2. Eat pizza
3. Go park Daddy
4. Up-down Daddy(Andrew likes Derrick to hold him upside down).

Derrick and Dylan have always loved
playing video games together.

From Dylan
5. He is funny
6. He takes me places sometimes
7. We can go on trips with him
8. We play games & the Wii together
9. He reads to me at bedtime
10. He loves me a lot

Derrick & Dylan playing light sabers
- April 2012

From Renee

11. He is a great Daddy who loves his boys.

12. He has a great sense of humor. 

Derrick has been told he looks like this guy.

13. He is a hard worker, no matter what he is doing.

14. He loves Jesus & does his best to follow him every day.

15. He is very smart. 

NBC Graduation 2015

16. He encourages me to do what I love.

17. He is great about giving me a break from "mom" life when I need it. 

18. He does a great job caring for the boys. He has never referred to himself "babysitting" the boys. He has, however, babysat for our friends before while I went out.

19. He is a fantastic preacher & loves to study God's Word to prepare to share it with others.

20. We are becoming foster parents, not because I want to & he is just along for the ride, but because he understands the need for good foster families & he knows that kids need a stable home while their parents are working their stuff out. 

Derrick & Steven at Steven's wedding
 - August 2014

21. He is very loyal to the people he loves.

22. He doesn't think he is too good to help around the house if he needs to. He loads the dishwasher, cooks, sweeps, & does laundry. His mama trained him right!

Derrick holding Dylan for the first time
- Late October 2008

23. He also gets up in the night with the kids. He changes diapers & bed sheets, feeds bottles, gives snuggles. He's a fantastic dad.

24. He loves ice cream. And I love ice cream. And we love to eat ice cream together after the kids go to bed!

25. He has never been frustrated when my medical issues have made it so I can't do things. He has always been there to be an encouragement for me to do the things I CAN do.

26. I can trust him. 

27. He follows God, even when it is hard & isn't the most popular thing to do.

Candid shot taken just before our wedding.
It is still one of my favorite pictures.

28. He has stuck with me through all of my emotional-ness, my

crabbiness, my unreasonable sadness & has helped carry me through all of it.

29. He includes me in all decisions that affect our family.

30. He works really hard to control his temper, even when it is really hard to do so.

Bedtime snuggles! (2015)

31. He cares about people a lot.

32. He makes our family a priority. He takes seriously his role as a husband & father.

PJ & Derrick - early 2015 

Dave & Derrick
- August 2015

33. He finds people he can look up too in lots of different areas of life so he can better himself.

34. He has matured over the past 15 years that we have been together, but he is still the same man I fell in love with. He is definitely an improved version of his younger self!

Wedding Day - May 22, 2004

May 2007

Fall 2014

Derrick, we love you & are so thankful for you! You bless us every day! Thank you for being you!

North Dakota Update

We have been in North Dakota just over 12 weeks. Almost 3 months. Since I haven't been updating like I should, let's hit the highlights...

Things we don't like:

• Being an hour from Walmart & Target...or maybe we do like that?
• The grocery store closing at 8 pm (6 pm on the weekends!)
• No dollar movie theater
• Being far away from our dear EastNaz & NBC friends. We miss you all terribly! 
• Even after moving 12 hours away from our second home, still not being any closer to our family & friends in Iowa. We miss you all so much, too! 

Things we love:

• The parsonage. This house is gorgeous & HUGE! We love having lots of room to spread out & having the yard to play in. I'm hoping to plant a good sized garden next year.
• Our church - both the people & the building. Everyone has been such a blessing to us & we are loving getting to know them better.
• The parsonage being so close to the church. We aren't right next door, but we are just down the street. Derrick walks to work most days & we walk to church most Sundays. I know that will change come winter, but it is so nice right now. 
• The foster care process is so much easier than Colorado or Iowa. We are excited to hopefully be licensed by the end of the month! We'll put all the space this house has to work!
• The small town life. Sometimes I miss having a hundred choices of places to go to dinner or tons of activities to attend...but most of the time I don't. We are loving being home more.
• Along with that, we are loving spending more time together! We were all so busy & pulled in so many different directions in Colorado that it was really too much. It is awesome to be able to be a family again. And since Derrick isn't having to do homework all the time, we have even had time to watch shows together like we used to! 

The move has been hardest on Dylan, which I kind of figured it would be. He was only 3 when we moved to Colorado. He remembers bits & pieces of Iowa, but Colorado was his home. In the weeks & months surrounding the time when we moved, almost all of his friends moved from the area. They are off in Indiana, Michigan, Massachusetts, & on the Navajo reservation in the southwest. Even when he would cry about missing Colorado, he knew most of his friends weren't there. We have kids in our church, but the kids his age are mostly girls & I know he misses playing with other boys. Being homeschooled, he doesn't have a ton of places to meet friends, but we were blessed this week to meet another pastor's wife & her kids at the library. They also homeschool & she has a son Dylan's age, so I am looking forward to getting together with them soon. We also just signed Dylan up for a boys gymnastics class & are hoping that will help him some, too.

Overall, just like our move to Colorado was, this move was a good & right one for our family. It is hard to be so far away from our family & our friends-who-became-family, but we are thankful for technology that helps us keep in touch. I am able to check in often with dear friends in Iowa, Colorado, Indiana, & Michigan. The boys talk to my mom almost every week. I was even able to see pictures of a dear friend bringing her adopted daughter home from Armenia. Derrick checks in weekly with his best friend, Brad, & together they are able to work through the issues of the world...or maybe just the issues of homework & ministry. :-) We are blessed to have so many people who love us all over the country! As we continue in ministry here in Beulah, we are looking forward to building more relationships here & watching God work in the church & community!

Please pray for us as we continue to adjust to our new life here in North Dakota!

Questions About Your Mom - Dylan, June 2015

Some of my friends posted this survey & I thought I'd ask Dylan. Some answers are more correct than others!

1. What is something mom always says to you? Go back to bed.

2. What makes mom happy? When I do what she says

3. What makes mom sad? When I don’t do what she says

4. How does your mom make you laugh? By telling jokes...or something. I don’t really know.

5. What was your mom like as a child? I don’t know! Because I wasn’t there!

6. How old is your mom? 32 (nope)

7. How tall is your mom? 32 feet

8. What is her favorite thing to do? I don’t know (whispers, “What’s your favorite thing to do?”) Watch NASCAR?

9. What does your mom do when you're not around? I don’t know. Have lunch with Daddy.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? Maybe being the President. Maybe.

11. What is your mom really good at? Packing

12. What is your mom not very good at? I don’t know.

13. What does your mom do for a job? Nothing! My dad only does a job.

14.What is your mom's favorite food? “I don’t know.” “Dylan, I just told you the other day.” “I can’t remember. Salad?”

15.What makes you proud of your mom? Taking care of us.

16. If your mom were a character, who would she be? Spidergirl, maybe. Maybe.

17. What do you and your mom do together? A lot of stuff.

18. How are you and your mom the same? Because of our voice, hair, & eyes.

19. How are you and your mom different? Because you have psoriasis & I don’t

20. How do you know your mom loves you? Because she says she loves me all the time.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad? That we can get money.

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? Chipotle (he’s probably right about that one!)

23. How old was your Mom when you were born? I don’t know. 22, maybe?