Andrew - 6 months old!

On November 9th, Andrew turned 6 months old! He was 12 lbs, 15 oz. when he was at the doctor this month. He is solidly in 0-3 month clothing & we think the 3-6's might need to come out soon.

Andrew is adorable & so sweet! He loves to snuggle & smile. He especially loves Dylan. Often I will hear one laugh, then the other laugh, then the first one laugh again. They are so precious together. I am so thankful that they love each other. Having never grown up with close siblings, watching the boys together makes my heart melt. Dylan loves to play with Andrew, bring him things, & talk to him all the time. And Andrew seems to know that Dylan is his buddy. We have told Dylan that he & Andrew will grow up to be best friends & so far that seems to be the case. 

Andrew has started eating foods. He started with baby cereal on November 10th, but it seemed to keep him up at night (he didn't seem like he was in pain...he just didn't want to sleep!). Since then we tried pears on November 12th & he liked them & slept most of the way  through the night!

Upon turning 6 months old, Andrew also decided that he is now a big boy. He had rolled himself from his belly to his back when we were in Iowa in mid October, but now he has started rolling from his back to his belly. The other night he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. This is a regular occurrence, so I groggily got up to make him a bottle. When I came back to our room, he was snuggled up with Derrick, sound asleep. Derrick said, "He's not hungry...he just rolled onto his belly & was MAD about it!" Not only was he on his belly, but he was upside down in his bed. I guess the days of leaving him unattended on the couch are over.

Andrew still loves his paci, but now one of his favorite things to do is to have it in his mouth, then yank it out. He then proceeds to be mad that someone took his paci away. He's a mess.

Andrew is such a sweet blessing to our family & we are excited to watch him grow!

Pregnancy #5

I have been pregnant 5 times. How crazy is that? And it seems that this fifth pregnancy, sadly, will not be resulting in a new baby at our house.

Let's back up a little. Derrick & I used birth control pills right after we got married. I never felt very good when I was on them. When I stopped taking them, I felt better. Even after I was off birth control, it took us a year & a half to get pregnant with Dylan. After he was born, for many reasons, most of which had to do with my body's response to the hormones, we decided that I would not go back on the pill. We used other forms of birth control, but when Dylan was about 6 months old, we both felt led to drop the birth control all together & let God be in control of when & how many children we had. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but I'm not looking for anyone's opinion on that. This decision was between me, Derrick, & God. I am only sharing that info because it is important to the rest of this situation.

After we stopped using birth control, it was almost 2 years before we got pregnant again. That pregnancy ended with what is called a blighted ovum. The pregnancy is real, but a baby never develops. It is just the sac. We were sad, but were thrilled to find out that we were expecting again just a month after that loss. At 10 weeks we went to the doctor & found out that that baby had stopped growing at 8 1/2 weeks. We were both devastated. It took me a long time to recover from that loss, both physically & emotionally. That was spring 2011.

Fast foward 1 1/2 years. In October 2012 we found out we were pregnant with Andrew. After he was born in May 2013, we continued to let God decide about the size and spacing of our family. After the long stretches between pregnancies, we were shocked to find out I was pregnant when Andrew was only 3 months old. We knew things would be hard, but we knew God would see us through.

One of the things I am constantly learning is that we have to trust God, even when things aren't good. Last Sunday I was bleeding, so I went to the ER. Bleeding during a pregnancy is not uncommon & isn't always bad, but I have never bleed during any of my pregnancies, so I figured something was wrong. At the ER they did an ultrasound &, again,  discovered a sac with no baby. The bleeding picked up the next day & has finally slowed to almost a stop.

I guess I say all that to say this. Most likely I am no longer pregnant & this pregnancy was just the sac. I want to address those who will automatically assume that I miscarried because it hadn't been that long since Andrew's delivery. That does not seem to be a factor in these types of miscarriages. The last time I had one it was over a year between pregnancies.

This baby was very much wanted & loved & our hearts hurt from the lost of what we thought was in store for us. We were excited. Now we are coming to terms with the "what next?" We were planning on finding out the gender around Christmas, looking for a bigger apartment in the spring, celebrating a new birth in May. Those things will not be happening as we planned, so we are working to be okay with that.

We are so thankful for the 2 sweet boys God has given us & for him carrying us through every difficult time in our lives. We will continue to trust that God knows when the next time for a new little one is & that he will bless us again when the time is right. Thank you all for your love & support, your phone calls, texts, & Facebook messages. We are so blessed to have so many people who love us! Continue to pray with us as we walk through this time & discover what God has for us.

This is the song we used for Andrew's baby dedication & the new baby announcement. It seems even more appropriate now.

Dylanisms - October 2013

This month has been a good one for Dylanisms. That boy is crazy, but so amazingly sweet. He is always thinking...maybe that's why he comes up with such funny things to say!

- Berbbly - blurry. Example: "This picture I took is all berbbly."
- The other night I had a discussion with Dylan about when he grows up. He wanted to know where he could find a wife. I figured he'd be a little older when we had this conversation, but I told him that he should try to find a wife at church because he should marry a lady who loves Jesus. He then said, "But if no ladies love Jesus, I can't find a wife." I hope he still has his priorities straight when he really starts looking for a wife!
- Dylan then told me that baby brother (Andrew) could live with him & he could feed him formula. Apparently Andrew will be an infant forever.
- Dylan then told me that he is going to grow up to be a pastor & have a lot of kids.

We had quite the talk that night. What a blessing to be able to listen to my 5 year old boy share his heart with me. I worried about having boys, but now I can't imagine anything better. I pray daily that my boys will grow into strong Christian men, but it seems that that is already starting in Dylan. Now I need to start praying for me & Derrick, that we will be available to our boys & willing to hear their hearts, to be there for them & to really listen to them, even when it's been a long day. I am definitely not perfect, but I am so thankful that I did not push Dylan aside that night because I was "busy."

Our pastor & his wife have 6 kids...one day his wife told me, basically, "With that many kids, there is always noise. I have to be intentional about listening to what is being said to me." I have thought about that a lot recently. Intentionally listening to Dylan. Intentionally having lots of face time with Andrew. It's not easy, but I love when sweet moments, like the ones above, emerge from it!

Feeling so thankful for my boys tonight & what a blessing & comfort they are to me! Can't wait to hear what our crazy boy has to say next!

Dylanisms!

We went to the speech therapist before Andrew was born to see of Dylan's speech is as bad as we think it is. Turns out it is. He scored an 89...85 & under automatically qualifies for services. So for right now, we are working at home to correct some of his issues & will reevaluate around his 5th birthday in October. Even though we are working to correct some speech problems, some of his issues are too cute not to share!

Pelano = Piano

Last morning = yesterday

"Dat what I said."

Werk = work

Andrew Clawton = what Dylan tells people his brother's name is. Andrew's middle name is Clayton.

"Does Casey (the dog) go to work?" & then he laughs & laughs. What a goof ball!

"Mama, do you have an ear affection?"

A bonus today: Words that Dylan thinks are compound words.

- Guard in = Garden

- Buy Bowl = Bible

Andrew Clayton's birth

It's been an interesting 2 weeks. Monday 2 weeks ago I was 31 weeks pregnant. Something did not feel right that day. I talked Derrick into staying home & we ran a few errands, re-signed our lease, & spent some time hanging out with Dylan. Derrick probably did some homework. I probably took a nap! That night Derrick had class, so I decided to go to a friend's house. We had dinner, watched The Voice, & just hung out. Part way through the evening I remember mentioning to one of my friends that I had a really bad headache. I assumed I needed some sleep & I would feel better.

That night I went to bed with something that can only be described as a WICKED headache. I tried to sleep, but had really bad sharp pains in my head all night. Needless to say, I did not sleep well & woke up with the same headache I had gone to bed with. Derrick headed off to work & I continued to deal with the headache. Because of my issues with pre-eclampsia with Dylan, I know that headaches that last that long are a bad thing. I eventually texted Derrick to ask his opinion about going in to the doctor. He admitted that the headache probably needed to get checked out, so I scheduled an appointment for that afternoon and off we all went, Dylan included, to the doctor. Of course, I picked the day my doctor was off to get sick - at least he has really great nurse practitioners in his practice. The nurse, then the np took my blood pressure. It was not good either time. I also had protein in my urine. Both of those things are good signs of pre-e. My doctor's office is connected to the hospital. I was wheeled directly from the OB to the labor & delivery triage department.

After sitting in triage for a while, it was apparent that I was not getting released that night. Derrick made arrangements for Dylan to spend the night at our friend Jenny's house (the poor lady didn't realize what she was getting into. She ended up having him for 5 days & nights when all was said & done). They ended up transferring me to the actual labor & delivery area, even though I was not in labor & had no plans of delivering any time soon. They did some tests, monitored the baby, checked my blood pressure, and generally made me crazy all night. The next day Derrick went to work. Jenny brought Dylan up to visit. I hung out really bored. Towards the end of the afternoon my test results came back. That's when things got interesting...

So my doc was working the day after I got admitted. He looked at my blood pressures (which were high, but were better on the meds) & he checked my 24 urine collection test results. He said the protein spillage was not too bad, so I could go home, but that I still needed to come to my appointment the next morning that I had already scheduled. I was so excited. Jenny left Dylan with me & we waited for Derrick to come & get us. The nurse came in & pulled my IV & was getting all my discharge stuff together. Derrick finally got there & we got everything packed up. We were getting ready to walk out to take Dylan to church when the nurse came back in & asked me if I could stay a little longer. Um, no. I have places to be. Apparently "Can you stay a little longer?" wasn't really a question. I was staying longer. I guess that the way the lab gives the results is really confusing. My doc looked at the numbers & thought they were good. The doc that came on after him saw my numbers & realized they were actually really bad. I don't really know all the details of that, but apparently different labs report things differently & it is all really confusing. Standards would probably be really good.

Anyway, I was told that I would be started on magnisum sulfate. I knew that would not be fun. I was on it with Dylan for several days & it is nasty. This time was a little better because I was only on it for 48 hours or so. The thing with the mag is that it is a blessing & a curse. When you are on it, you get lots of sleep. That's the good part. The bad is that you fall asleep a lot. Like in the middle of conversations. Or while the nurse is taking your blood pressure. In the middle of texting family & friends. Just don't plan on staying awake for much because you probably won't. So while it is beneficial for sleeping, it makes it really hard to carry on with normal life when you are asleep 85% of the time.

The next morning we were told it was time. I was wheeled to the OR right about 12:30. It took a lot longer to prep me this time than it did with Dylan. The anesthesiologist had a hard time finding the right spot for my spinal block & ended up sticking me a lot of times. I was kind of a basket case during all that. Once the spinal was in they let Derrick come in. After what felt like a really long time, at 12:56 pm, Andrew Clayton was born. He was 31 weeks, 4 days along. He didn't cry, but he was alert & just taking things in. Once they started messing with him we heard him crying. I don't remember what his APGAR scores were, but I think they were 7 & 8. Derrick was able to cut the cord & go along with him to the NICU while I went to recovery.

Today Andrew is 12 days old. He is doing really well. I am doing okay. I am having a lot more pain in my abdomen than I remember having with Dylan. Maybe I took more pain meds with him? I don't really remember.

As for his name - we really struggled with names. We had a hard time deciding on a name for Dylan & we struggled at least as much this time. I knew I wanted to honor my dad by including his name. My dad was Clayton Lee. Our final 2 names in the running ended up being Nathan Lee & Andrew Clayton. Even after the poor child was born we couldn't decide what to call him. He went at least a full day with no name. The NICU nurse practitioner who was at his delivery said we could name him after her...she's a great lady, but I'm not sure Janet Rae is a good name for a little boy! Eventually it came down to my decision. We ended up naming him Andrew Clayton. Sometimes I still can't decide if that was the right choice, although it's a little late to be changing my mind now!

And now it's late & time for bed. I will be heading to the hospital early in the morning to spend some time with our baby boy. Watch for more Andrew updates to come!

Things I Used to Think Pregnant Ladies Exaggerated About

So even though this is my third pregnancy, my first one ended in Dylan being delivered at 27 weeks & my second ended in a miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks. I have never been this far along in a pregnancy before. While that is awesome & a blessing, it is weird to be experiencing all these things that I never did with Dylan.

So here is a list of things I used to think pregnant ladies were exaggerating about - and I am now finding out that for the most part, that is just not true.

#1 - Having to pee all the time: So obviously I know that having a child laying on your bladder will make you have to pee more. I had no idea that it would be all the time (but once you get in there you really don't have to go) or that it would be extremely sudden. But surprise...when that baby kicks you in the bladder, you better find the bathroom!

#2 - The pregnant waddle: I always thought, "Really, ladies? Get it together." Um, now I waddle. Not all the time, but enough. And I totally don't do it on purpose. I will be walking through the house, waddling, & will catch myself. And then I say, "Get it together, Renee!"

#3 - Swollen feet: So with Dylan I had swelling, but it was all over my body & was a symptom of my pre-eclampsia. It wouldn't go away no matter how much water I drank or how long I kept my feet up. They were just always swollen until after I delivered...and even that required meds to push the extra fluid out of my body. So now that I am having "normal" swelling, I am kind of confused by it. I was really, really worried when I went to the doctor last time because my feet were so swollen. He told me that it was completely normal as long as it went away after I put my feet up for a while. And guess what? When you are having a relatively normal pregnancy, the swelling does go away with rest. So several times a day my feet swell up super huge. And then I put them up for a while & it goes away. It is the weirdest thing.

#4 - Insomnia: How can you not sleep if you are so tired from growing a baby? Um, I don't know how it's possible, but it totally is. This kid does not want me to sleep at night. After 4 in the morning & napping in the afternoon is fine, but sleeping at times normal people sleep is out of the question! I did not sleep well last night & chose not to nap today. Now I am completely exhausted. But why go to bed when you can't sleep anyway?

Basically, I am getting schooled on pregnancy! Even so, I am still loving being pregnant...but I am definitely excited to meet this little one in a few weeks.

So what about you? Did you have any preconceptions that turned out to be wrong? I'd love to hear about them!

Questions

So I'll admit that I am a little new to the blogging world. I mean, I blog & I read other people's, but I don't really understand passing the questions around & what not. I like it, I just don't get it. So Meggan at Meggan's Moments, if I am screwing this up, sorry! I really am not sure what's going on!

1. If you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?

I would not have waited so long to have/try to have kids. I really can't figure out what we were waiting for. I always thought I would have my kids when I was young & that they would be really close together. So far that has not been the way things have turned out. It took us quite a while to get pregnant with Dylan & since we stopped using birth control when he was 6 months old, we have not been blessed with any more babies (until now! 30 weeks this week!) We should have trusted God to give us the babies he wanted us to have in the time he wanted us to have them. So far his plan has worked out better than ours would have...


2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

At home with my little ones, homeschooling. Assisting my husband in ministry (Pastor's wife - Yikes! Colleges don't offer classes on how to do that!) 

3. Do you honestly want [more] kids?

Yes. I grew up as an only child & Derrick is one of three with a fourth adopted sibling to come along when he was almost an adult. Being with their family is so much fun. Siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles, grandparents. There are so many people in his extended family that if you can't find someone to be around, you are just not trying very hard! I feel like I missed out on that & I want my kids to have those types of relationships.

4. What has been the best moment of your life so far?
 

Marrying my best friend. The day I met him I felt God say to me, "That's the one." I was 14 & dating someone else at the time. Who hears that kind of thing from God at 14? I think God told me because I tend to be a little impulsive & he didn't want me to do something stupid between then & when God spoke to Derrick about it. Patience is not my strong suit.

Watching our wedding video makes me melt into a puddle every time. We were so in love (and young! I was 19, Derrick  was 22). We were so ready to take on the world & I am so proud to say that, although we have struggled at times, we will celebrate our 9th anniversary this month. 

5. What is your life theme song?

That's a hard one. I don't know that I really have one. Mine seems to change based on what's going on in my life. I like a lot of different music, so maybe jut music in general? I think my life theme song is really just whatever is speaking to my heart at the moment.

6. What is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?
Go to the east coast & visit all the historical stuff there. 
Go to Germany & try to track down more info about our families. 

7. If you could choose one thing to be known for, what would it be?

Being a woman of God & a prayer warrior for the needs of others. 

8. If you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?

Move to a bigger place & adopt several little ones

Go to Iowa & visit

9. What has been the most challenging moment in your life?

2011 - No question

Most people would assume that it would be 2008, the year that Dylan was born since I had such a rough pregnancy & since he was so early & sick. Derrick & I spent most of Dylan's first 3 months separated because I was staying close to the hospital & Derrick was home working. We saw each other a few days a week for almost 3 months. But I feel like we came out of that much stronger than we went in. 

2011 was much worse. We miscarried twice that year. Once in January with a blighted ovum (sac had developed, but no baby). We immediately got pregnant again & lost that baby at 8 weeks, 5 days. We didn't find out until 10 weeks. I was devastated. I had a D&C a week later, just before Easter. I went to church Easter Sunday & hardly held it together. I am sure God understood my feelings, but it was very hard to sing about the hope in Jesus when my precious baby had just been taken from me. A few days after that procedure, we received a call to take a 3 month old, possibly blind, abused, little boy. Looking back, we NEVER should have done that. I was not ready. But we took him anyway. I was not recovering from the D&C well. I was bleeding a lot for a long time & was not in any shape to take care of a toddler & a special needs infant. One day we had to take the boys to the doctor & Derrick had to meet me there when he got off work. I made him drive the boys home because I was losing so much blood that I thought I might pass out driving the car. I ended up being fine, but overall, my physical recovery was very slow. 

My emotional healing was even slower. I was depressed. There is no way to get around it. I missed my baby. I was trying to handle a toddler & an infant while still working part time. There were days that I only got out of bed because the babies needed me. Baby A had a ton of appointments due to all the trauma he had been through. And through everything we had going on, I could not figure out how to share my feelings with anyone, including Derrick or my BFF Amy. I was a mess inside, but didn't know how to tell anyone that. Derrick seemed to have worked through the situation & didn't mention it much. Honestly, we never really talked much about it at all. So I went MONTHS without sharing with anyone. I threw around the idea of seeing a counselor. We even got the information from the insurance company about who I could see. So I guess Derrick had some idea that I was struggling, but I don't think he understood where I was at or what he could do about it. 

One night we were laying in bed & Derrick was already asleep. I thought to myself that I could just leave. I was done. I didn't want to be there any more. I didn't want to continue to deal with the marriage. I couldn't do it. I had 2 major problems that kept me from leaving. Number one was that I knew I couldn't leave the kids. As much as it broke my heart (and still does when I look back at it), at the time, I totally could have walked away from the marriage. I really was that depressed & overwhelmed. But I knew I couldn't leave those boys. Dylan was mine & we were the first bit of stability that Baby A had had in his life. I just knew leaving them wasn't okay. Problem number 2 was that anyone I went to would have sent me straight back home. (Okay, they may have let me spend the rest of the night, but I would have been plopped back on my own doorstep the next morning). Thankfully my friends & family wouldn't have let me walk out on my marriage. So thanks friends and family! 

That night as I was laying there, trying to decide what to do, I burst into tears. Derrick woke up & held me. I sobbed. Poor guy had no idea what was going on. When I finally calmed down enough to talk, there were a lot of issues that came out...but none of them were the true issue. Eventually, in the midst of an argument that was really stupid, I remember blurting out, "I miss my baby." And then I sobbed some more. And that is what began to heal our marriage. For the first time in months, I was able to share my heart with my husband the way that I should have been at the beginning. He had no idea that I was still struggling so much. He was able to walk through the healing with me. The pain is still there sometimes, but I know that I can talk to him about it & he will help me any way he can. 

Later that year we decided to make a major move in order for Derrick to get back into school for pastoral ministries. We moved in February 2012. We never would have been able to both get on the same page regarding the move had those lines of communication not been opened back up. 

Through the time that we were going through everything, this song touched my heart (read: made me cry while driving down the road). 

Mandisa - "Stronger"

10. Summarize yourself in one word. Still-learning (the hyphen makes it one word, right?)



And now I think you are supposed to link to my blog or leave your blog link or something & answer these questions on your blog...maybe? Anyway, have fun!

28 Week Appointment

We have officially made it longer this pregnancy than we did with Dylan AND I am in the 3rd trimester. Hooray! That is so exciting for us.

This week I went in for my 28 week appointment. It did not go as well as my 24 week appointment did. At my 24 week appointment I was told that the baby looked great, my blood pressure was great, and that I was overall doing awesome. So when I went in this week, I expected to get the same sort of results. That was not the case.

Baby still looks great. He is measuring the right size and, according to the ultrasound, has already surpassed Dylan's birth weight. So exciting. He looks healthy, so there aren't any worries about him at this point. He is completely breech though, with this head right below my rib cage & his bottom & legs on my bladder. Since I have crazy insides, there is a good chance that he won't flip before my due date, so it is a blessing that we are already planning a scheduled c-section.

Now on to me - the doctor is concerned about my blood pressure. I have been on blood pressure meds, low dose aspirin, & another heart health vitamin since the beginning of my pregnancy & they have been keeping my blood pressure under control really well up until now. When I went in this week, my blood pressure was higher than normal. The nurse (who tends to overreact), was really worked up, but the doctor (who knows my history a little better) was concerned, but didn't freak out. He did however, put me on another blood pressure med & tell me to come back in a week for a recheck. We aren't really sure if the spike in my blood pressure is due to my preeclampsia showing up again or if it was high because I had taken Sudafed for two nights before my appointment, not realizing that you aren't supposed to take it if you have high blood pressure. Whoops.

They also did lab work this week - Glucose testing (to check for gestational diabetes), a 24 hour urine collection (to check for protein - a strong indicator of preeclampsia), and several blood draws (one was for the glucose, but I am not sure what the others were for). My appointment was late in the afternoon on Tuesday, so I am assuming the results will be in Thursday sometime. So now we wait. My doctor is supposed to call if there is anything abnormal with any of the results. If he hasn't called by Friday, I will be calling just to make sure that everything is fine.

Overall, I am actually feeling pretty good. I am having some minor swelling in my feet, but that's really about it. I am thankful that this has been a relatively easy pregnancy & that my doctor is very proactive about keeping me on track. I would appreciate your prayers though - even though we think that everything is probably okay, it still makes us nervous. I will update when we hear something!

Anatomy Lesson?

So in order to really understand some things about my pregnancies, you need to have an overview of my internal "issues." Just before I got married I went in for my first gynecological exam. After being given a clean bill of health, I continued to go to the doctor once a year for a check up. When we decided that we were ready to have a baby, it was taking us a lot longer than one would expect it to take. We went to the doctor & they made all sorts of suggestions about what we could do to increase our chances, including fertility drugs of some sort. I was not interested in going that route...and there was no way we had the money to attempt that. So we continued to try on our own.

In 2007 we moved back to Davenport & I went back to the same clinic I had been seen at before I got married. The doctor realized there was something not right about my female parts.

So this is what normal female reproductive organs look like:

Image from: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/your-guide-female-reproductive-system

And this is what my reproductive organs look like: 

Image from: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1521693409001205

Even as a non-medical person, I am sure you can see why this is an issue. There are a lot of things that have to come together correctly to result in a healthy baby in a normal reproductive situation. Then there is me...In our case, there are a ton more things that need to happen just right in order to get a baby. So, that explains why it had taken so long for us to get Dylan, and again why it took us so long to get pregnant with the little one we lost in 2011, and this time, with the sweet baby who will hopefully stay put until June. 

So basically, right now, my insides look like this (aside from the fact that my little stinker is breech): 

Image from: http://sincanokhanankara.wordpress.com/2009/07/16/woman-with-two-wombs-gives-birth-to-a-one-in-a-million-baby-girl/

I share all this for a few reasons:

#1 - I know there are other women out there with this condition who either don't know that they have it or who think it means that pregnancy is not going to happen for them. My advice? Find a really great gynecologist & get checked. 

#2 - I have told people about my condition & they think I am crazy. So, friends, I am not crazy. This is not a common issue, but it is real. 

#3 - We will be delivering this baby by c-section. Hopefully it will be a scheduled c-section at the end of June. If something happens, we will deliver by c-section earlier. I have several people tell me that "just because I had a c-section with Dylan doesn't mean I have to have one this time." I know that and my doctor told me he would support my decision either way, but if it was his choice, he would advise us to do the c-section. While I appreciate the feedback from friends, we have weighed the options & we feel like this is the safest delivery for both me & the baby. I'm high risk. I have a uterus didelphys, I have high blood pressure, and I have the possibility of a repeat of preelampsia. Besides all of those things, since this little guy is breech, he may not have the room to flip before delivery since my uteruses are smaller than normal sized uteruses would be. After experiencing a kind of emergency c-section delivery with Dylan, I would rather have this completely controlled, if possible. 

So that's our situation. Please keep us in your prayers, but know that things are going pretty well and we are so excited as we get ready for this little guy to join us!

Thumbs Up & Thumbs Down

I started this blog several months ago, then got distracted & never finished it. So it might be a little out of date...I'm finishing it & posting it anyway!

My friend Meggan (http://meggansmomentsblog.blogspot.com/) runs a pretty successful blog. I love reading it. One of my favorite parts are her posts about "Roses & Thorns." This is where she shares some good & bad things of her week. After the few days I've had, I decided that I want to do something similar. So Thumbs Up & Thumbs Down is born!

This week (honestly several months ago now):
Thumbs Down:
- Family letting their 1 1/2 year old wander the grocery store eating a corn dog & chewing on a still wrapped candy bar. Although at least the candy bar wasn't opened, right? (Side note: This week I saw a lady eating something in the check out line. I see people all the time wandering around Walmart eating popcorn chicken. What is this about? Why is it considered okay?!)
- Morning (or in my case - mid-morning) sickness. Yuck. (And yes, several months later, I am still experiencing unexpected & occasional morning sickness.)

Thumbs Up:
- Seeing a 4 door sedan with the licence plate "Poorsh." That's awesome.
- Preschool shows. As annoying as they can be, I have silence in my house right now (aside from the sounds of Little Einsteins).
- Pregnancy! Even with the morning sickness, I still love being pregnant! (And if I make it 5 more days, I will be pregnant longer than I was with Dylan! Double thumbs up!)
- Little boys. I cannot believe I was once sad about Dylan not being a girl. He is nuts and hilarious. How can you not give a thumbs up to someone who is so imaginative and creative? And crazy. For real. He sure keeps us entertained!

Easter! He is RISEN!

Today we are celebrating our first Easter away from home. The first time we have celebrated the resurrection of Christ without family to share it with. While that is sad for us, we feel blessed to have awesome friends who have invited us to spend the afternoon with them.

As I reflected on Easter this morning, my mind was taken back to Easter two years ago. It did not fall on the same weekend - it was actually a weekend in mid-April. The week before Easter, we had discovered that we had miscarried our sweet baby at 10 weeks. I had a D&C to deliver our baby on the Thursday before Good Friday. As we headed to church that Easter Sunday, I was still recovering, emotionally, spiritually  and physically. That is the nice way of saying that I was a mess. I was so heartbroken over the loss of my tiny baby that I didn't know if I could even make it through the day. I know I went through the motions that day. I attended the Sunrise Service, ate the awesome breakfast, watched Dylan hunt for Easter eggs, & sang in the choir. It was a struggle to sing about Christ's resurrection all the while remembering my baby who had died & who God had not healed, even through I prayed & prayed that he would.

I am still emotional as I think about that baby who would be 17 months old this Easter. It makes me sad that we won't get to meet & enjoy that baby until we get to heaven one day. My heart still aches from that loss. I can tell you that I still don't understand why that baby was taken from us. I have some theories, but I know I won't ever fully know why until God tells me someday. But one thing that I am sure of - God gives & God takes away. Sometimes it is easy to focus on only how God takes away.

This weekend, at the Good Friday service, I was reminded that I not the only woman who has lost a child. Mary, the mother of Jesus, saw her oldest son, her first baby boy, suffer and die on the cross. What unimaginable pain for a mother. I was also reminded that while Jesus was God & understood the purpose behind his death, his mother was fully human & was watching her baby suffer for reasons she did not understand. She didn't know that he would rise again. She wasn't aware of the full picture surrounding her son's death until he came back to Earth. And even then, while I am sure she believed in him, I would assume that she still didn't fully understand. I feel like I am in kind of the same boat as Mary in regards to the baby we lost. I don't understand it, but God does, and He always works out things for good & for His purposes.

This Easter, I am well aware of how God takes away, but I am also thankful for what he gives us.

Last night, on the eve of the 3rd Easter since we lost our tiny baby, Derrick was able to feel the movement of the new baby that God has blessed us with. God has given me a very easy pregnancy this time, a true gift after the hard pregnancy with Dylan in 2008 & the miscarriage in 2011. We feel so thankful for this baby boy who will be joining us this summer. We are grateful that God chose to give us another child. And we are thankful that Mary's Son did not stay dead, but that he came back to life to save us all from eternity in hell away from Him. I am thankful that God is in control, even when we don't understand what He is doing.

And I am thankful for our sweet 4 year old who is already here with us. I will leave you with another Dylan-ism: This morning, Dylan wanted to know all the names of Jesus. I told him that he is called Jesus, God, Son of God. He reminded me about the name Lamb of God. Then I told him that sometimes Jesus is also called Redeemer. Dylan looked at me a minute, then asked me, "Why do they call Jesus a lemur?"

So today, remember to celebrate Jesus the Lemur!...I mean, Jesus the Redeemer!