Pregnancy #5

I have been pregnant 5 times. How crazy is that? And it seems that this fifth pregnancy, sadly, will not be resulting in a new baby at our house.

Let's back up a little. Derrick & I used birth control pills right after we got married. I never felt very good when I was on them. When I stopped taking them, I felt better. Even after I was off birth control, it took us a year & a half to get pregnant with Dylan. After he was born, for many reasons, most of which had to do with my body's response to the hormones, we decided that I would not go back on the pill. We used other forms of birth control, but when Dylan was about 6 months old, we both felt led to drop the birth control all together & let God be in control of when & how many children we had. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but I'm not looking for anyone's opinion on that. This decision was between me, Derrick, & God. I am only sharing that info because it is important to the rest of this situation.

After we stopped using birth control, it was almost 2 years before we got pregnant again. That pregnancy ended with what is called a blighted ovum. The pregnancy is real, but a baby never develops. It is just the sac. We were sad, but were thrilled to find out that we were expecting again just a month after that loss. At 10 weeks we went to the doctor & found out that that baby had stopped growing at 8 1/2 weeks. We were both devastated. It took me a long time to recover from that loss, both physically & emotionally. That was spring 2011.

Fast foward 1 1/2 years. In October 2012 we found out we were pregnant with Andrew. After he was born in May 2013, we continued to let God decide about the size and spacing of our family. After the long stretches between pregnancies, we were shocked to find out I was pregnant when Andrew was only 3 months old. We knew things would be hard, but we knew God would see us through.

One of the things I am constantly learning is that we have to trust God, even when things aren't good. Last Sunday I was bleeding, so I went to the ER. Bleeding during a pregnancy is not uncommon & isn't always bad, but I have never bleed during any of my pregnancies, so I figured something was wrong. At the ER they did an ultrasound &, again,  discovered a sac with no baby. The bleeding picked up the next day & has finally slowed to almost a stop.

I guess I say all that to say this. Most likely I am no longer pregnant & this pregnancy was just the sac. I want to address those who will automatically assume that I miscarried because it hadn't been that long since Andrew's delivery. That does not seem to be a factor in these types of miscarriages. The last time I had one it was over a year between pregnancies.

This baby was very much wanted & loved & our hearts hurt from the lost of what we thought was in store for us. We were excited. Now we are coming to terms with the "what next?" We were planning on finding out the gender around Christmas, looking for a bigger apartment in the spring, celebrating a new birth in May. Those things will not be happening as we planned, so we are working to be okay with that.

We are so thankful for the 2 sweet boys God has given us & for him carrying us through every difficult time in our lives. We will continue to trust that God knows when the next time for a new little one is & that he will bless us again when the time is right. Thank you all for your love & support, your phone calls, texts, & Facebook messages. We are so blessed to have so many people who love us! Continue to pray with us as we walk through this time & discover what God has for us.

This is the song we used for Andrew's baby dedication & the new baby announcement. It seems even more appropriate now.