Hoping to Grow Our Family!

About a week ago I asked for prayer concerning a big decision Derrick & I needed to make. Thank you so much for lifting us up as we worked through some things. Now is the time that we are ready to share about the decision we were working on.

Several months ago a friend shared with me that her family was in the process of adopting a little girl. She gave me the website so I could see the little girl they are working to adopt. Listed on the site were many other kids with different special needs from all over the world. And that's where the "trouble" started. I fell in love with 2 little girls, both almost 5 years old & both coming available for adoption in late 2014. I talked to Derrick about it & we decided to pray about what God wanted us to do. As we were praying about the girls, I kept checking their pages on the website. One afternoon I got a notification...one little girl had a family committed to adopt her. To me, that was the answer. I all of the sudden felt very strongly that we needed to adopt the other little girl. I talked to Derrick & he agreed with me. We feel like we can offer this sweet girl something she has never had...a loving family.

Right now there are a few major needs to make this happen:

1. We need prayer! We know that if God wants this to happen, it will happen. Continue to pray with us, please.
2. We need insurance that will cover her as soon as the adoption is final. No one can probably help with this (if you can or know how, let me know!), so we would appreciate your prayers for this situation. Again, if God wants us to have her, this detail will work out. 
3. We need MONEY! International adoptions are expensive! In total, this adoption will cost around $25,000. That sounds huge, and it is, but again, we are trusting God to come through.

So here's the deal: I can't say much about this little girl until we are actually committed to her. And while we have a lot of love to share, we don't have the large amount of money needed to actually adopt her. To start the process, we need $5,000. We have about $1000 saved right now. We will be doing fundraisers as time goes on, but right now to bring in extra funds for the adoption, we have several things going on.

• I am making & selling crocheted hats. I currently can make Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ($15 each), penguins, yellow minions, Minnie Mouse, & Mickey Mouse (all $20 each). I custom make all of them & am willing to try to make different hats if you have any ideas! I am also willing to make other crocheted items if I have the knowledge & abilities to do so!
• We are selling several items, including a stroller/carseat/base combo & some Avon I have left over from when I sold it. I am doing some babysitting, & Derrick is willing to do tech support/computer work for a donation to our adoption fund. 
• I am looking into taking items to a flea market to clear out some space & to earn some money. We will also be participating in our church's yard sale in September. 
• We are brainstorming other fundraiser ideas. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated. 
• We are accepting donations. We don't like asking for money, but we know we can't do this alone! Donations can be sent through PayPal to djsindt@gmail.com (select friends/family in order to save us the PayPal fees!) or cash & checks would also be gratefully & thankfully accepted. If you would be able to donate, please send Derrick or I a message on facebook, an email, a text message, or give us a call. 

Once we are able to pay the upfront fees & are officially committed to this little girl, I will be able to share her picture. I can't wait to be able to show her to you! Please help us as we move forward to add this sweet girl to our family!

Andrew is 1!

Poor second child. He turned 1 on May ninth & I am just now getting around to blogging about him.

There is a reason it has taken me so long to write about Andrew...it is because he is a wild man. He is the type of child that if he was your first, you would wonder if you really want any more. I am more exhausted now than I think I have ever been. We have experience with 2 kids - we had 2 foster boys before Dylan was born, then we had 2 different little boys while Dylan was little, so we know how to handle 2...Andrew is just difficult.

Andrew is a constant ball of movement & energy. He never stops & rarely slows down. He is a man on a mission. Unfortunately, his "mission" usually involves destroying something or getting into something he shouldn't. If he's not getting into the dog food, he's trying to play in the toilet or garbage. If not one of those, he is finding paper or small toys to try to eat. He torments our poor dog, bangs on the tv, hangs on everyone's legs, & whines. If he's not whining, he's yelling very loudly. 

He is 13 months old & still doesn't sleep through the night. He is up at least once to eat & sometimes another time because he can't seem to find his own paci in the night. He wants to be bounced and patted to sleep. He also seems to be teething a lot (he currently has 5 teeth), so there is a lot of whining going on at our house just due to that. 

We've been doing this since he came home from the hospital almost a year ago...we are exhausted. We keep hoping that maybe he will outgrow some of his "difficultness." I kept thinking, "When he sits, then..." or "When he crawls, then..." That has not been the case. The crawling has just resulted in him being able to be underfoot faster & makes him a lot quicker to get to things he shouldn't have. 

And while I say all that, I can't imagine what things would be like without him. He is a good snuggler. He gives sweet (sloppy!) baby kisses & pats your back when you pick him up. Dylan loves him & Andrew ADORES Dylan. They are such fun buddies. Andrew has quite the way with the people & is a big charmer & flirt. He is definitely good at being the adorable baby. He's pretty cute, which is helpful when you are also a big stinker. 

We have been working with Andrew on words & signs, hoping that some communication will help curb the constant screaming that he insists on right now. So far, this is where we are:

Words Andrew knows:
- Bye-bye
- Casey (Day-see)

- Baba (Bottle)

- Bubby or something similar (Refers to Dylan - we call him brother a lot)

- Dada & Mama (used, but rarely. I'm still not convinced he knows that I am Mama)

- Signs "all done" "more" "hi" "bye-bye"

We are working on signing eat, thank you, & milk. 

So now, at the end of this blog posting, I wonder what to make of all of it. We love Andrew, but his personality is a little much sometimes. He is wonderfully sweet...unless he's trying to bite your legs like a baby chihuahua. He's fun...until that fun shows up at 5 am. He's cute...except when he's screaming constantly. 

I have seen a marked improvement in his communication over the last few weeks & I am hoping that will make a difference in him. He is getting better about playing with toys instead of just crying for someone to hold him all the time. I have to keep reminding myself that he's only 13 months old. He will outgrow most of this stuff quick enough & will be a huge 5 year old like Dylan is. It's just hard to remember that when you are in the midst of sleepless nights & overwhelmingly long days, teething & spit-up, diapers & laundry. 

Mamas with young kids: You are doing great. Keep pushing through & loving those little ones, even when it's hard. Remember that with God's help, you can get through those hard days!

Mamas with grown kids: Encourage a young mama today. Not "They grow so fast! You'll miss all of this when they are grown!" That is probably very true, but in the middle of it, not always so helpful. Something more like, "You are doing a great job!" or "Keep up the good work!" or even a hug with a "You can do this!" We Mamas of young kids need all the encouragement we can get! 

10th Anniversary

As I sat and thought about how it's been 10 years since I got married, I am not really sure what to think. I'm excited and happy that it's been 10 years, but I just thought things would be different. I thought we'd be a lot more settled, more "adult-like." But instead, here we are, Derrick back in school, us living in an apartment, far away from family & friends we've been around our whole lives. I thought we'd get to head off on some big trip to celebrate this milestone, because 10 years is a LONG time in today's culture. Running errands, eating Sonic corn dogs, & wrestling kids to eat their dinner & go to bed was not how I pictured my 10th anniversary.

But maybe that's okay. Maybe it shows how normal my life is that on my 10th anniversary, I am at home blogging while my husband puts away laundry. The honest truth is that while I am disappointed that there is no big trip in our future, I should be thrilled to be able to celebrate this special day with the man who has held my heart since I was 14 years old.

Homecoming 2001

Wedding - May 22, 2004

When we started dating when I was 16, I think we both knew it was serious. We weren't dating for fun - we were dating in preparation for something that would last. We got engaged after dating for a year. I was 17 and we were engaged for 2 years. Derrick was away at college for part of the that time, and I was away for a different part. It was hard to be apart, but I think it helped us to figure out if we really wanted to do this. After a 2 year engagement, we were married on a stormy, then sunny, Saturday. It is funny to look back at wedding pictures now. We were so young, but so in love! Derrick was 22 and I was 19. So many things I have read says that many marriages fail before 8 years and that if you are young when you get married, the chances of divorce are even higher than normal. In the same way we approached dating as leading to marriage, we approached marriage as leading to forever. We took (take?) "until death shall part us" very seriously. That doesn't mean that there haven't been struggles.

Dylan - January 2011

When we first got married we were both in college and both worked off & on during the next 3 years until we both graduated in 2007. That was a lot of stress on a young married couple. Then we decided we wanted kids...it took us 2 years to get pregnant with Dylan, a pregnancy that ended with both of us fighting for our lives in the hospital in October 2008 . That pregnancy was followed by 2 miscarriages in early 2011. In my opinion, 2011 was the year our marriage almost fell apart. I was carrying so many left over emotions from the miscarriages that I was having a hard time putting the effort into our marriage that I should have. Put on top of that a toddler & a special needs foster infant & it was a recipe for disaster. I was ready to walk away from the marriage. I was done. Luckily, I have a wonderful, loving husband who was willing to patiently walk though my issues with me. He never once made me feel bad about my feelings. He simply helped guide me back to being able to re-focus on our family.

In late 2011 we made the decision that we would be moving to Colorado Springs in early 2012 for Derrick to go back to school for pastoral ministries. Even though it was one of the hardest things we have ever done, it was the very best thing we could have done for our family at that time. We needed to regroup...start over. Derrick and I needed to learn how to rely on each other again.

Andrew in the NICU - 2013

The past 2 years in Colorado have been some of the hardest times we have ever been through. We wanted to learn to rely on each other, but you don't realize how much family and friends do for you until you don't have any close by. Derrick started a new job and has classes at least once a week. Since moving to Colorado, we have missed several graduations, babies born, family birthdays, & the death of Derrick's
Grandpa Kakert. We also experienced the birth of our second NICU baby. We have parented our 2 little boys for over a year without consistent family help (although we do have great friends here). We have learned how much our parents helped us out. It has been hard.

It has also been the best. We have learned how God provides, even when you can't figure it out. We have worked together and been strong for each other. We have supported each other "in sickness and in health." We have grown stronger together. I have no idea what I would do without Derrick.

We have received several anniversary cards over the last few days. I love and appreciate all of them. But the one my mom sent really stuck out to me. I don't remember the whole card, but part of it says "now that you've been married a decade..." What? A decade? Wow...a decade is a long time! And here we are, entering our second decade, wondering what God has in store for us next. Derrick graduating next May? A job as a pastor? More little ones to fill our quiver (Psalm 127:4-5)? All things we want, but are willing to allow God to lead us into in His time. So I guess I don't know what the coming years will bring...but God does. And together, with God's help, I know that Derrick and I will weather whatever storms come our way.

Dylan Quotes - March 2014

"Maybe we can use those avocados to make bwacamole." (3-1-2014)

Sometimes having a 5 year old who reads makes life interesting. While taking a bath, Dylan said, "Why does this soap say, 'Keep out of reach of children'?" If that was a ploy to get out of washing himself, it didn't work. (3-1-2014)

"Look, there is another book called, ' Dr. Meow's Big 'mergency.'" (3-1-14)

Derrick & Dylan were talking about someone having surgery. Derrick told Dylan that the doctors would cut the person open & go in to fix stuff up. Dylan wanted to know how they were going to go in. He assumed "go in" meant the entire doctor was going in, not just his hands & some tools. (3-9-14)

While watching Dora, we learned that Dora says "con permiso" when she needs to get by someone. When I asked Dylan what he thought it meant, he said, "Please get out of the way." Um, kind of, but it would be nice to be a little more polite.

Dylan & I were talking about him growing up. I said, "and now you are a big 5 year old. How did that happen?" He replied, "Because I keep having birthdays." (3-22-14)

"Why did you took your boots off?" - said to a little girl he was playing with at the park (3-26-14)

Dylan Quotes

The other day I told Dylan to go get dressed. He said, "I'll do it as fast as a sandwich!" I don't know how fast a sandwich is, but I'm guessing it's pretty fast?

For dinner the other night we went to Culver's. Dylan said, "I love ice cream. And brother. And God! I love God because he made brother in your belly." When I asked Dylan where he came from (because he was being so silly), he said, "Your belly! And maybe Daddy."

"It's a seesaw! I always stay down & Geekie always says up!" - I think that misses the point of the seesaw...

"Dad, put your hands behind my back..." Dylan wanting Derrick to put his cold hands on his back.

Dylan likes to tell jokes. His current favorite is "How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!" Andrew finds this hilarious. The other day Dylan was telling Andrew the joke. He said, "Andrew, how do you make a tissue dance?" And almost on cue, Andrew sneezed all over him! Guess he knows the answer to that joke now! (January 2014)

Today we were out for a walk & Dylan said, "I like having a mom like you." Um, I think my heart just melted & exploded at the same time. (February 18, 2014)

Andrew - 6 months old!

On November 9th, Andrew turned 6 months old! He was 12 lbs, 15 oz. when he was at the doctor this month. He is solidly in 0-3 month clothing & we think the 3-6's might need to come out soon.

Andrew is adorable & so sweet! He loves to snuggle & smile. He especially loves Dylan. Often I will hear one laugh, then the other laugh, then the first one laugh again. They are so precious together. I am so thankful that they love each other. Having never grown up with close siblings, watching the boys together makes my heart melt. Dylan loves to play with Andrew, bring him things, & talk to him all the time. And Andrew seems to know that Dylan is his buddy. We have told Dylan that he & Andrew will grow up to be best friends & so far that seems to be the case. 

Andrew has started eating foods. He started with baby cereal on November 10th, but it seemed to keep him up at night (he didn't seem like he was in pain...he just didn't want to sleep!). Since then we tried pears on November 12th & he liked them & slept most of the way  through the night!

Upon turning 6 months old, Andrew also decided that he is now a big boy. He had rolled himself from his belly to his back when we were in Iowa in mid October, but now he has started rolling from his back to his belly. The other night he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. This is a regular occurrence, so I groggily got up to make him a bottle. When I came back to our room, he was snuggled up with Derrick, sound asleep. Derrick said, "He's not hungry...he just rolled onto his belly & was MAD about it!" Not only was he on his belly, but he was upside down in his bed. I guess the days of leaving him unattended on the couch are over.

Andrew still loves his paci, but now one of his favorite things to do is to have it in his mouth, then yank it out. He then proceeds to be mad that someone took his paci away. He's a mess.

Andrew is such a sweet blessing to our family & we are excited to watch him grow!

Pregnancy #5

I have been pregnant 5 times. How crazy is that? And it seems that this fifth pregnancy, sadly, will not be resulting in a new baby at our house.

Let's back up a little. Derrick & I used birth control pills right after we got married. I never felt very good when I was on them. When I stopped taking them, I felt better. Even after I was off birth control, it took us a year & a half to get pregnant with Dylan. After he was born, for many reasons, most of which had to do with my body's response to the hormones, we decided that I would not go back on the pill. We used other forms of birth control, but when Dylan was about 6 months old, we both felt led to drop the birth control all together & let God be in control of when & how many children we had. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but I'm not looking for anyone's opinion on that. This decision was between me, Derrick, & God. I am only sharing that info because it is important to the rest of this situation.

After we stopped using birth control, it was almost 2 years before we got pregnant again. That pregnancy ended with what is called a blighted ovum. The pregnancy is real, but a baby never develops. It is just the sac. We were sad, but were thrilled to find out that we were expecting again just a month after that loss. At 10 weeks we went to the doctor & found out that that baby had stopped growing at 8 1/2 weeks. We were both devastated. It took me a long time to recover from that loss, both physically & emotionally. That was spring 2011.

Fast foward 1 1/2 years. In October 2012 we found out we were pregnant with Andrew. After he was born in May 2013, we continued to let God decide about the size and spacing of our family. After the long stretches between pregnancies, we were shocked to find out I was pregnant when Andrew was only 3 months old. We knew things would be hard, but we knew God would see us through.

One of the things I am constantly learning is that we have to trust God, even when things aren't good. Last Sunday I was bleeding, so I went to the ER. Bleeding during a pregnancy is not uncommon & isn't always bad, but I have never bleed during any of my pregnancies, so I figured something was wrong. At the ER they did an ultrasound &, again,  discovered a sac with no baby. The bleeding picked up the next day & has finally slowed to almost a stop.

I guess I say all that to say this. Most likely I am no longer pregnant & this pregnancy was just the sac. I want to address those who will automatically assume that I miscarried because it hadn't been that long since Andrew's delivery. That does not seem to be a factor in these types of miscarriages. The last time I had one it was over a year between pregnancies.

This baby was very much wanted & loved & our hearts hurt from the lost of what we thought was in store for us. We were excited. Now we are coming to terms with the "what next?" We were planning on finding out the gender around Christmas, looking for a bigger apartment in the spring, celebrating a new birth in May. Those things will not be happening as we planned, so we are working to be okay with that.

We are so thankful for the 2 sweet boys God has given us & for him carrying us through every difficult time in our lives. We will continue to trust that God knows when the next time for a new little one is & that he will bless us again when the time is right. Thank you all for your love & support, your phone calls, texts, & Facebook messages. We are so blessed to have so many people who love us! Continue to pray with us as we walk through this time & discover what God has for us.

This is the song we used for Andrew's baby dedication & the new baby announcement. It seems even more appropriate now.