So even though this is my third pregnancy, my first one ended in Dylan being delivered at 27 weeks & my second ended in a miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks. I have never been this far along in a pregnancy before. While that is awesome & a blessing, it is weird to be experiencing all these things that I never did with Dylan.
So here is a list of things I used to think pregnant ladies were exaggerating about - and I am now finding out that for the most part, that is just not true.
#1 - Having to pee all the time: So obviously I know that having a child laying on your bladder will make you have to pee more. I had no idea that it would be all the time (but once you get in there you really don't have to go) or that it would be extremely sudden. But surprise...when that baby kicks you in the bladder, you better find the bathroom!
#2 - The pregnant waddle: I always thought, "Really, ladies? Get it together." Um, now I waddle. Not all the time, but enough. And I totally don't do it on purpose. I will be walking through the house, waddling, & will catch myself. And then I say, "Get it together, Renee!"
#3 - Swollen feet: So with Dylan I had swelling, but it was all over my body & was a symptom of my pre-eclampsia. It wouldn't go away no matter how much water I drank or how long I kept my feet up. They were just always swollen until after I delivered...and even that required meds to push the extra fluid out of my body. So now that I am having "normal" swelling, I am kind of confused by it. I was really, really worried when I went to the doctor last time because my feet were so swollen. He told me that it was completely normal as long as it went away after I put my feet up for a while. And guess what? When you are having a relatively normal pregnancy, the swelling does go away with rest. So several times a day my feet swell up super huge. And then I put them up for a while & it goes away. It is the weirdest thing.
#4 - Insomnia: How can you not sleep if you are so tired from growing a baby? Um, I don't know how it's possible, but it totally is. This kid does not want me to sleep at night. After 4 in the morning & napping in the afternoon is fine, but sleeping at times normal people sleep is out of the question! I did not sleep well last night & chose not to nap today. Now I am completely exhausted. But why go to bed when you can't sleep anyway?
Basically, I am getting schooled on pregnancy! Even so, I am still loving being pregnant...but I am definitely excited to meet this little one in a few weeks.
So what about you? Did you have any preconceptions that turned out to be wrong? I'd love to hear about them!
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Questions
So I'll admit that I am a little new to the blogging world. I mean, I blog & I read other people's, but I don't really understand passing the questions around & what not. I like it, I just don't get it. So Meggan at Meggan's Moments, if I am screwing this up, sorry! I really am not sure what's going on!
1. If you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?
I would not have waited so long to have/try to have kids. I really can't figure out what we were waiting for. I always thought I would have my kids when I was young & that they would be really close together. So far that has not been the way things have turned out. It took us quite a while to get pregnant with Dylan & since we stopped using birth control when he was 6 months old, we have not been blessed with any more babies (until now! 30 weeks this week!) We should have trusted God to give us the babies he wanted us to have in the time he wanted us to have them. So far his plan has worked out better than ours would have...
2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
At home with my little ones, homeschooling. Assisting my husband in ministry (Pastor's wife - Yikes! Colleges don't offer classes on how to do that!)
Yes. I grew up as an only child & Derrick is one of three with a fourth adopted sibling to come along when he was almost an adult. Being with their family is so much fun. Siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles, grandparents. There are so many people in his extended family that if you can't find someone to be around, you are just not trying very hard! I feel like I missed out on that & I want my kids to have those types of relationships.
6. What is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?
Go to the east coast & visit all the historical stuff there.
Go to Germany & try to track down more info about our families.
8. If you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?
2011 - No question
Most people would assume that it would be 2008, the year that Dylan was born since I had such a rough pregnancy & since he was so early & sick. Derrick & I spent most of Dylan's first 3 months separated because I was staying close to the hospital & Derrick was home working. We saw each other a few days a week for almost 3 months. But I feel like we came out of that much stronger than we went in.
2011 was much worse. We miscarried twice that year. Once in January with a blighted ovum (sac had developed, but no baby). We immediately got pregnant again & lost that baby at 8 weeks, 5 days. We didn't find out until 10 weeks. I was devastated. I had a D&C a week later, just before Easter. I went to church Easter Sunday & hardly held it together. I am sure God understood my feelings, but it was very hard to sing about the hope in Jesus when my precious baby had just been taken from me. A few days after that procedure, we received a call to take a 3 month old, possibly blind, abused, little boy. Looking back, we NEVER should have done that. I was not ready. But we took him anyway. I was not recovering from the D&C well. I was bleeding a lot for a long time & was not in any shape to take care of a toddler & a special needs infant. One day we had to take the boys to the doctor & Derrick had to meet me there when he got off work. I made him drive the boys home because I was losing so much blood that I thought I might pass out driving the car. I ended up being fine, but overall, my physical recovery was very slow.
My emotional healing was even slower. I was depressed. There is no way to get around it. I missed my baby. I was trying to handle a toddler & an infant while still working part time. There were days that I only got out of bed because the babies needed me. Baby A had a ton of appointments due to all the trauma he had been through. And through everything we had going on, I could not figure out how to share my feelings with anyone, including Derrick or my BFF Amy. I was a mess inside, but didn't know how to tell anyone that. Derrick seemed to have worked through the situation & didn't mention it much. Honestly, we never really talked much about it at all. So I went MONTHS without sharing with anyone. I threw around the idea of seeing a counselor. We even got the information from the insurance company about who I could see. So I guess Derrick had some idea that I was struggling, but I don't think he understood where I was at or what he could do about it.
One night we were laying in bed & Derrick was already asleep. I thought to myself that I could just leave. I was done. I didn't want to be there any more. I didn't want to continue to deal with the marriage. I couldn't do it. I had 2 major problems that kept me from leaving. Number one was that I knew I couldn't leave the kids. As much as it broke my heart (and still does when I look back at it), at the time, I totally could have walked away from the marriage. I really was that depressed & overwhelmed. But I knew I couldn't leave those boys. Dylan was mine & we were the first bit of stability that Baby A had had in his life. I just knew leaving them wasn't okay. Problem number 2 was that anyone I went to would have sent me straight back home. (Okay, they may have let me spend the rest of the night, but I would have been plopped back on my own doorstep the next morning). Thankfully my friends & family wouldn't have let me walk out on my marriage. So thanks friends and family!
That night as I was laying there, trying to decide what to do, I burst into tears. Derrick woke up & held me. I sobbed. Poor guy had no idea what was going on. When I finally calmed down enough to talk, there were a lot of issues that came out...but none of them were the true issue. Eventually, in the midst of an argument that was really stupid, I remember blurting out, "I miss my baby." And then I sobbed some more. And that is what began to heal our marriage. For the first time in months, I was able to share my heart with my husband the way that I should have been at the beginning. He had no idea that I was still struggling so much. He was able to walk through the healing with me. The pain is still there sometimes, but I know that I can talk to him about it & he will help me any way he can.
Later that year we decided to make a major move in order for Derrick to get back into school for pastoral ministries. We moved in February 2012. We never would have been able to both get on the same page regarding the move had those lines of communication not been opened back up.
Through the time that we were going through everything, this song touched my heart (read: made me cry while driving down the road).
Mandisa - "Stronger"
10. Summarize yourself in one word. Still-learning (the hyphen makes it one word, right?)
And now I think you are supposed to link to my blog or leave your blog link or something & answer these questions on your blog...maybe? Anyway, have fun!
1. If you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?
I would not have waited so long to have/try to have kids. I really can't figure out what we were waiting for. I always thought I would have my kids when I was young & that they would be really close together. So far that has not been the way things have turned out. It took us quite a while to get pregnant with Dylan & since we stopped using birth control when he was 6 months old, we have not been blessed with any more babies (until now! 30 weeks this week!) We should have trusted God to give us the babies he wanted us to have in the time he wanted us to have them. So far his plan has worked out better than ours would have...
2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
At home with my little ones, homeschooling. Assisting my husband in ministry (Pastor's wife - Yikes! Colleges don't offer classes on how to do that!)
3. Do you honestly want [more] kids?
Yes. I grew up as an only child & Derrick is one of three with a fourth adopted sibling to come along when he was almost an adult. Being with their family is so much fun. Siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles, grandparents. There are so many people in his extended family that if you can't find someone to be around, you are just not trying very hard! I feel like I missed out on that & I want my kids to have those types of relationships.
4. What has been the best moment of your life so far?
Marrying my best friend. The day I met him I felt God say to me, "That's the one." I was 14 & dating someone else at the time. Who hears that kind of thing from God at 14? I think God told me because I tend to be a little impulsive & he didn't want me to do something stupid between then & when God spoke to Derrick about it. Patience is not my strong suit.
Watching our wedding video makes me melt into a puddle every time. We were so in love (and young! I was 19, Derrick was 22). We were so ready to take on the world & I am so proud to say that, although we have struggled at times, we will celebrate our 9th anniversary this month.
5. What is your life theme song?
That's a hard one. I don't know that I really have one. Mine seems to change based on what's going on in my life. I like a lot of different music, so maybe jut music in general? I think my life theme song is really just whatever is speaking to my heart at the moment.
6. What is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?
Go to the east coast & visit all the historical stuff there.
Go to Germany & try to track down more info about our families.
7. If you could choose one thing to be known for, what would it be?
Being a woman of God & a prayer warrior for the needs of others.
8. If you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?
Move to a bigger place & adopt several little ones
Go to Iowa & visit
9. What has been the most challenging moment in your life?
Most people would assume that it would be 2008, the year that Dylan was born since I had such a rough pregnancy & since he was so early & sick. Derrick & I spent most of Dylan's first 3 months separated because I was staying close to the hospital & Derrick was home working. We saw each other a few days a week for almost 3 months. But I feel like we came out of that much stronger than we went in.
2011 was much worse. We miscarried twice that year. Once in January with a blighted ovum (sac had developed, but no baby). We immediately got pregnant again & lost that baby at 8 weeks, 5 days. We didn't find out until 10 weeks. I was devastated. I had a D&C a week later, just before Easter. I went to church Easter Sunday & hardly held it together. I am sure God understood my feelings, but it was very hard to sing about the hope in Jesus when my precious baby had just been taken from me. A few days after that procedure, we received a call to take a 3 month old, possibly blind, abused, little boy. Looking back, we NEVER should have done that. I was not ready. But we took him anyway. I was not recovering from the D&C well. I was bleeding a lot for a long time & was not in any shape to take care of a toddler & a special needs infant. One day we had to take the boys to the doctor & Derrick had to meet me there when he got off work. I made him drive the boys home because I was losing so much blood that I thought I might pass out driving the car. I ended up being fine, but overall, my physical recovery was very slow.
My emotional healing was even slower. I was depressed. There is no way to get around it. I missed my baby. I was trying to handle a toddler & an infant while still working part time. There were days that I only got out of bed because the babies needed me. Baby A had a ton of appointments due to all the trauma he had been through. And through everything we had going on, I could not figure out how to share my feelings with anyone, including Derrick or my BFF Amy. I was a mess inside, but didn't know how to tell anyone that. Derrick seemed to have worked through the situation & didn't mention it much. Honestly, we never really talked much about it at all. So I went MONTHS without sharing with anyone. I threw around the idea of seeing a counselor. We even got the information from the insurance company about who I could see. So I guess Derrick had some idea that I was struggling, but I don't think he understood where I was at or what he could do about it.
One night we were laying in bed & Derrick was already asleep. I thought to myself that I could just leave. I was done. I didn't want to be there any more. I didn't want to continue to deal with the marriage. I couldn't do it. I had 2 major problems that kept me from leaving. Number one was that I knew I couldn't leave the kids. As much as it broke my heart (and still does when I look back at it), at the time, I totally could have walked away from the marriage. I really was that depressed & overwhelmed. But I knew I couldn't leave those boys. Dylan was mine & we were the first bit of stability that Baby A had had in his life. I just knew leaving them wasn't okay. Problem number 2 was that anyone I went to would have sent me straight back home. (Okay, they may have let me spend the rest of the night, but I would have been plopped back on my own doorstep the next morning). Thankfully my friends & family wouldn't have let me walk out on my marriage. So thanks friends and family!
That night as I was laying there, trying to decide what to do, I burst into tears. Derrick woke up & held me. I sobbed. Poor guy had no idea what was going on. When I finally calmed down enough to talk, there were a lot of issues that came out...but none of them were the true issue. Eventually, in the midst of an argument that was really stupid, I remember blurting out, "I miss my baby." And then I sobbed some more. And that is what began to heal our marriage. For the first time in months, I was able to share my heart with my husband the way that I should have been at the beginning. He had no idea that I was still struggling so much. He was able to walk through the healing with me. The pain is still there sometimes, but I know that I can talk to him about it & he will help me any way he can.
Later that year we decided to make a major move in order for Derrick to get back into school for pastoral ministries. We moved in February 2012. We never would have been able to both get on the same page regarding the move had those lines of communication not been opened back up.
Through the time that we were going through everything, this song touched my heart (read: made me cry while driving down the road).
Mandisa - "Stronger"
10. Summarize yourself in one word. Still-learning (the hyphen makes it one word, right?)
And now I think you are supposed to link to my blog or leave your blog link or something & answer these questions on your blog...maybe? Anyway, have fun!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
28 Week Appointment
We have officially made it longer this pregnancy than we did with Dylan AND I am in the 3rd trimester. Hooray! That is so exciting for us.
This week I went in for my 28 week appointment. It did not go as well as my 24 week appointment did. At my 24 week appointment I was told that the baby looked great, my blood pressure was great, and that I was overall doing awesome. So when I went in this week, I expected to get the same sort of results. That was not the case.
Baby still looks great. He is measuring the right size and, according to the ultrasound, has already surpassed Dylan's birth weight. So exciting. He looks healthy, so there aren't any worries about him at this point. He is completely breech though, with this head right below my rib cage & his bottom & legs on my bladder. Since I have crazy insides, there is a good chance that he won't flip before my due date, so it is a blessing that we are already planning a scheduled c-section.
Now on to me - the doctor is concerned about my blood pressure. I have been on blood pressure meds, low dose aspirin, & another heart health vitamin since the beginning of my pregnancy & they have been keeping my blood pressure under control really well up until now. When I went in this week, my blood pressure was higher than normal. The nurse (who tends to overreact), was really worked up, but the doctor (who knows my history a little better) was concerned, but didn't freak out. He did however, put me on another blood pressure med & tell me to come back in a week for a recheck. We aren't really sure if the spike in my blood pressure is due to my preeclampsia showing up again or if it was high because I had taken Sudafed for two nights before my appointment, not realizing that you aren't supposed to take it if you have high blood pressure. Whoops.
They also did lab work this week - Glucose testing (to check for gestational diabetes), a 24 hour urine collection (to check for protein - a strong indicator of preeclampsia), and several blood draws (one was for the glucose, but I am not sure what the others were for). My appointment was late in the afternoon on Tuesday, so I am assuming the results will be in Thursday sometime. So now we wait. My doctor is supposed to call if there is anything abnormal with any of the results. If he hasn't called by Friday, I will be calling just to make sure that everything is fine.
Overall, I am actually feeling pretty good. I am having some minor swelling in my feet, but that's really about it. I am thankful that this has been a relatively easy pregnancy & that my doctor is very proactive about keeping me on track. I would appreciate your prayers though - even though we think that everything is probably okay, it still makes us nervous. I will update when we hear something!
This week I went in for my 28 week appointment. It did not go as well as my 24 week appointment did. At my 24 week appointment I was told that the baby looked great, my blood pressure was great, and that I was overall doing awesome. So when I went in this week, I expected to get the same sort of results. That was not the case.
Baby still looks great. He is measuring the right size and, according to the ultrasound, has already surpassed Dylan's birth weight. So exciting. He looks healthy, so there aren't any worries about him at this point. He is completely breech though, with this head right below my rib cage & his bottom & legs on my bladder. Since I have crazy insides, there is a good chance that he won't flip before my due date, so it is a blessing that we are already planning a scheduled c-section.
Now on to me - the doctor is concerned about my blood pressure. I have been on blood pressure meds, low dose aspirin, & another heart health vitamin since the beginning of my pregnancy & they have been keeping my blood pressure under control really well up until now. When I went in this week, my blood pressure was higher than normal. The nurse (who tends to overreact), was really worked up, but the doctor (who knows my history a little better) was concerned, but didn't freak out. He did however, put me on another blood pressure med & tell me to come back in a week for a recheck. We aren't really sure if the spike in my blood pressure is due to my preeclampsia showing up again or if it was high because I had taken Sudafed for two nights before my appointment, not realizing that you aren't supposed to take it if you have high blood pressure. Whoops.
They also did lab work this week - Glucose testing (to check for gestational diabetes), a 24 hour urine collection (to check for protein - a strong indicator of preeclampsia), and several blood draws (one was for the glucose, but I am not sure what the others were for). My appointment was late in the afternoon on Tuesday, so I am assuming the results will be in Thursday sometime. So now we wait. My doctor is supposed to call if there is anything abnormal with any of the results. If he hasn't called by Friday, I will be calling just to make sure that everything is fine.
Overall, I am actually feeling pretty good. I am having some minor swelling in my feet, but that's really about it. I am thankful that this has been a relatively easy pregnancy & that my doctor is very proactive about keeping me on track. I would appreciate your prayers though - even though we think that everything is probably okay, it still makes us nervous. I will update when we hear something!
Anatomy Lesson?
So in order to really understand some things about my pregnancies, you need to have an overview of my internal "issues." Just before I got married I went in for my first gynecological exam. After being given a clean bill of health, I continued to go to the doctor once a year for a check up. When we decided that we were ready to have a baby, it was taking us a lot longer than one would expect it to take. We went to the doctor & they made all sorts of suggestions about what we could do to increase our chances, including fertility drugs of some sort. I was not interested in going that route...and there was no way we had the money to attempt that. So we continued to try on our own.
In 2007 we moved back to Davenport & I went back to the same clinic I had been seen at before I got married. The doctor realized there was something not right about my female parts.
So this is what normal female reproductive organs look like:
In 2007 we moved back to Davenport & I went back to the same clinic I had been seen at before I got married. The doctor realized there was something not right about my female parts.
So this is what normal female reproductive organs look like:
And this is what my reproductive organs look like:
Even as a non-medical person, I am sure you can see why this is an issue. There are a lot of things that have to come together correctly to result in a healthy baby in a normal reproductive situation. Then there is me...In our case, there are a ton more things that need to happen just right in order to get a baby. So, that explains why it had taken so long for us to get Dylan, and again why it took us so long to get pregnant with the little one we lost in 2011, and this time, with the sweet baby who will hopefully stay put until June.
So basically, right now, my insides look like this (aside from the fact that my little stinker is breech):
I share all this for a few reasons:
#1 - I know there are other women out there with this condition who either don't know that they have it or who think it means that pregnancy is not going to happen for them. My advice? Find a really great gynecologist & get checked.
#2 - I have told people about my condition & they think I am crazy. So, friends, I am not crazy. This is not a common issue, but it is real.
#3 - We will be delivering this baby by c-section. Hopefully it will be a scheduled c-section at the end of June. If something happens, we will deliver by c-section earlier. I have several people tell me that "just because I had a c-section with Dylan doesn't mean I have to have one this time." I know that and my doctor told me he would support my decision either way, but if it was his choice, he would advise us to do the c-section. While I appreciate the feedback from friends, we have weighed the options & we feel like this is the safest delivery for both me & the baby. I'm high risk. I have a uterus didelphys, I have high blood pressure, and I have the possibility of a repeat of preelampsia. Besides all of those things, since this little guy is breech, he may not have the room to flip before delivery since my uteruses are smaller than normal sized uteruses would be. After experiencing a kind of emergency c-section delivery with Dylan, I would rather have this completely controlled, if possible.
So that's our situation. Please keep us in your prayers, but know that things are going pretty well and we are so excited as we get ready for this little guy to join us!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Thumbs Up & Thumbs Down
I started this blog several months ago, then got distracted & never finished it. So it might be a little out of date...I'm finishing it & posting it anyway!
My friend Meggan (http://meggansmomentsblog.blogspot.com/) runs a pretty successful blog. I love reading it. One of my favorite parts are her posts about "Roses & Thorns." This is where she shares some good & bad things of her week. After the few days I've had, I decided that I want to do something similar. So Thumbs Up & Thumbs Down is born!
This week (honestly several months ago now):
Thumbs Down:
- Family letting their 1 1/2 year old wander the grocery store eating a corn dog & chewing on a still wrapped candy bar. Although at least the candy bar wasn't opened, right? (Side note: This week I saw a lady eating something in the check out line. I see people all the time wandering around Walmart eating popcorn chicken. What is this about? Why is it considered okay?!)
- Morning (or in my case - mid-morning) sickness. Yuck. (And yes, several months later, I am still experiencing unexpected & occasional morning sickness.)
Thumbs Up:
- Seeing a 4 door sedan with the licence plate "Poorsh." That's awesome.
- Preschool shows. As annoying as they can be, I have silence in my house right now (aside from the sounds of Little Einsteins).
- Pregnancy! Even with the morning sickness, I still love being pregnant! (And if I make it 5 more days, I will be pregnant longer than I was with Dylan! Double thumbs up!)
- Little boys. I cannot believe I was once sad about Dylan not being a girl. He is nuts and hilarious. How can you not give a thumbs up to someone who is so imaginative and creative? And crazy. For real. He sure keeps us entertained!
My friend Meggan (http://meggansmomentsblog.blogspot.com/) runs a pretty successful blog. I love reading it. One of my favorite parts are her posts about "Roses & Thorns." This is where she shares some good & bad things of her week. After the few days I've had, I decided that I want to do something similar. So Thumbs Up & Thumbs Down is born!
This week (honestly several months ago now):
Thumbs Down:
- Family letting their 1 1/2 year old wander the grocery store eating a corn dog & chewing on a still wrapped candy bar. Although at least the candy bar wasn't opened, right? (Side note: This week I saw a lady eating something in the check out line. I see people all the time wandering around Walmart eating popcorn chicken. What is this about? Why is it considered okay?!)
- Morning (or in my case - mid-morning) sickness. Yuck. (And yes, several months later, I am still experiencing unexpected & occasional morning sickness.)
Thumbs Up:
- Seeing a 4 door sedan with the licence plate "Poorsh." That's awesome.
- Preschool shows. As annoying as they can be, I have silence in my house right now (aside from the sounds of Little Einsteins).
- Pregnancy! Even with the morning sickness, I still love being pregnant! (And if I make it 5 more days, I will be pregnant longer than I was with Dylan! Double thumbs up!)
- Little boys. I cannot believe I was once sad about Dylan not being a girl. He is nuts and hilarious. How can you not give a thumbs up to someone who is so imaginative and creative? And crazy. For real. He sure keeps us entertained!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Easter! He is RISEN!
Today we are celebrating our first Easter away from home. The first time we have celebrated the resurrection of Christ without family to share it with. While that is sad for us, we feel blessed to have awesome friends who have invited us to spend the afternoon with them.
As I reflected on Easter this morning, my mind was taken back to Easter two years ago. It did not fall on the same weekend - it was actually a weekend in mid-April. The week before Easter, we had discovered that we had miscarried our sweet baby at 10 weeks. I had a D&C to deliver our baby on the Thursday before Good Friday. As we headed to church that Easter Sunday, I was still recovering, emotionally, spiritually and physically. That is the nice way of saying that I was a mess. I was so heartbroken over the loss of my tiny baby that I didn't know if I could even make it through the day. I know I went through the motions that day. I attended the Sunrise Service, ate the awesome breakfast, watched Dylan hunt for Easter eggs, & sang in the choir. It was a struggle to sing about Christ's resurrection all the while remembering my baby who had died & who God had not healed, even through I prayed & prayed that he would.
I am still emotional as I think about that baby who would be 17 months old this Easter. It makes me sad that we won't get to meet & enjoy that baby until we get to heaven one day. My heart still aches from that loss. I can tell you that I still don't understand why that baby was taken from us. I have some theories, but I know I won't ever fully know why until God tells me someday. But one thing that I am sure of - God gives & God takes away. Sometimes it is easy to focus on only how God takes away.
This weekend, at the Good Friday service, I was reminded that I not the only woman who has lost a child. Mary, the mother of Jesus, saw her oldest son, her first baby boy, suffer and die on the cross. What unimaginable pain for a mother. I was also reminded that while Jesus was God & understood the purpose behind his death, his mother was fully human & was watching her baby suffer for reasons she did not understand. She didn't know that he would rise again. She wasn't aware of the full picture surrounding her son's death until he came back to Earth. And even then, while I am sure she believed in him, I would assume that she still didn't fully understand. I feel like I am in kind of the same boat as Mary in regards to the baby we lost. I don't understand it, but God does, and He always works out things for good & for His purposes.
This Easter, I am well aware of how God takes away, but I am also thankful for what he gives us.
Last night, on the eve of the 3rd Easter since we lost our tiny baby, Derrick was able to feel the movement of the new baby that God has blessed us with. God has given me a very easy pregnancy this time, a true gift after the hard pregnancy with Dylan in 2008 & the miscarriage in 2011. We feel so thankful for this baby boy who will be joining us this summer. We are grateful that God chose to give us another child. And we are thankful that Mary's Son did not stay dead, but that he came back to life to save us all from eternity in hell away from Him. I am thankful that God is in control, even when we don't understand what He is doing.
And I am thankful for our sweet 4 year old who is already here with us. I will leave you with another Dylan-ism: This morning, Dylan wanted to know all the names of Jesus. I told him that he is called Jesus, God, Son of God. He reminded me about the name Lamb of God. Then I told him that sometimes Jesus is also called Redeemer. Dylan looked at me a minute, then asked me, "Why do they call Jesus a lemur?"
So today, remember to celebrate Jesus the Lemur!...I mean, Jesus the Redeemer!
As I reflected on Easter this morning, my mind was taken back to Easter two years ago. It did not fall on the same weekend - it was actually a weekend in mid-April. The week before Easter, we had discovered that we had miscarried our sweet baby at 10 weeks. I had a D&C to deliver our baby on the Thursday before Good Friday. As we headed to church that Easter Sunday, I was still recovering, emotionally, spiritually and physically. That is the nice way of saying that I was a mess. I was so heartbroken over the loss of my tiny baby that I didn't know if I could even make it through the day. I know I went through the motions that day. I attended the Sunrise Service, ate the awesome breakfast, watched Dylan hunt for Easter eggs, & sang in the choir. It was a struggle to sing about Christ's resurrection all the while remembering my baby who had died & who God had not healed, even through I prayed & prayed that he would.
I am still emotional as I think about that baby who would be 17 months old this Easter. It makes me sad that we won't get to meet & enjoy that baby until we get to heaven one day. My heart still aches from that loss. I can tell you that I still don't understand why that baby was taken from us. I have some theories, but I know I won't ever fully know why until God tells me someday. But one thing that I am sure of - God gives & God takes away. Sometimes it is easy to focus on only how God takes away.
This weekend, at the Good Friday service, I was reminded that I not the only woman who has lost a child. Mary, the mother of Jesus, saw her oldest son, her first baby boy, suffer and die on the cross. What unimaginable pain for a mother. I was also reminded that while Jesus was God & understood the purpose behind his death, his mother was fully human & was watching her baby suffer for reasons she did not understand. She didn't know that he would rise again. She wasn't aware of the full picture surrounding her son's death until he came back to Earth. And even then, while I am sure she believed in him, I would assume that she still didn't fully understand. I feel like I am in kind of the same boat as Mary in regards to the baby we lost. I don't understand it, but God does, and He always works out things for good & for His purposes.
This Easter, I am well aware of how God takes away, but I am also thankful for what he gives us.
Last night, on the eve of the 3rd Easter since we lost our tiny baby, Derrick was able to feel the movement of the new baby that God has blessed us with. God has given me a very easy pregnancy this time, a true gift after the hard pregnancy with Dylan in 2008 & the miscarriage in 2011. We feel so thankful for this baby boy who will be joining us this summer. We are grateful that God chose to give us another child. And we are thankful that Mary's Son did not stay dead, but that he came back to life to save us all from eternity in hell away from Him. I am thankful that God is in control, even when we don't understand what He is doing.
And I am thankful for our sweet 4 year old who is already here with us. I will leave you with another Dylan-ism: This morning, Dylan wanted to know all the names of Jesus. I told him that he is called Jesus, God, Son of God. He reminded me about the name Lamb of God. Then I told him that sometimes Jesus is also called Redeemer. Dylan looked at me a minute, then asked me, "Why do they call Jesus a lemur?"
So today, remember to celebrate Jesus the Lemur!...I mean, Jesus the Redeemer!
Friday, August 17, 2012
Dylanisms Part 3
As Dylan is getting older, his use of words makes more sense than it used to. Now he just says hilarious & crazy things. Future Sunday school teachers, look out...I think we've got a class clown on our hands!
* While drinking a glass of water - "Mama, this is pancake juice. I love pancake juice. It's delicious!"
* Dylan: "See my belly button?"
Me: "Yes, what about it?"
Dylan: "It's on my belly."
* Hop-spit-tal = hospital
* While eating pizza: "Mama, can you give me another 'pretend stick'?" Come to find out, he meant BREADstick!
*Bwacamole = Guacamole
* While Derrick was shaking out a rug, Dylan asked him, "Is that your friend?" Derrick answered, "The rug? Is the rug your friend?"
* Stalling going to bed:
Dylan: "Mama, where is my bunny?"
Me: "What bunny?"
Dylan: "The bunny what is blue & has eggs on it. He is soooo cute."
*Stunk = skunk
Oh Dylan. Thanks for bringing constant joy & entertainment into our lives.
* While drinking a glass of water - "Mama, this is pancake juice. I love pancake juice. It's delicious!"
* Dylan: "See my belly button?"
Me: "Yes, what about it?"
Dylan: "It's on my belly."
* Hop-spit-tal = hospital
* While eating pizza: "Mama, can you give me another 'pretend stick'?" Come to find out, he meant BREADstick!
*Bwacamole = Guacamole
* While Derrick was shaking out a rug, Dylan asked him, "Is that your friend?" Derrick answered, "The rug? Is the rug your friend?"
* Stalling going to bed:
Dylan: "Mama, where is my bunny?"
Me: "What bunny?"
Dylan: "The bunny what is blue & has eggs on it. He is soooo cute."
*Stunk = skunk
Oh Dylan. Thanks for bringing constant joy & entertainment into our lives.
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