I haven't updated in a few days, so I'm going to try to cover everything that has happened recently.
Last Saturday Derrick & I were finally able to hold Dylan after 12 days. It was nice, but I know Derrick was more excited about it than I was. There is something about holding your baby, but knowing that you have to give him back that just breaks my heart. I didn't really know if I wanted to hold him because of that. It's frustrating because I really bounce back & forth between wanting to hold him & be with him & not wanting to do anything with him because I know that the nurses are going to keep taking him back from me. I want to be more involved, but it is hard when he is so little. We might get to hold him again today, but he has been having some apnea spells where he will forget to breathe, so they may not want us to mess with him.
The drs. are back to not being sure if the PDA near his heart closed or not. If it didn't, that could explain why he is having apnea now after not really having a problem with it before. When I called last night to check on him, the nurse said that he was doing better & had only had one spell since I left. We'll see how he's doing today, I guess. The drs. would like to see him off the ventilator soon, but Dylan doesn't seem to be thinking that is a good idea.
Dylan has also gained some weight since he was born! That is really exciting. As of last night he has gained 4.6 oz. He now weighs 2 lbs., 7.6 oz. It doesn't seem like much, but we are excited about it. His face is starting to fill out & his legs are starting to look a little chubby. It's funny for me to call him “chubby” because he is still so tiny. I was thinking about it the other day & I realized that I have spent so much time in the NICU, I don't really remember what a normal newborn looks like! Dylan seems like he is a normal size to me! It's really weird.
Derrick is doing well. I know he wishes he could be here more, but he is helping out so much by being at work. When Dylan & I were both in the hospital, Derrick used 5 sick days & a week of vacation time staying with us. He really needs to keep the rest of his vacation time in case something else comes up or...for an actual vacation.
I am doing okay today – I think it is because I know Derrick is coming tonight. I go back & forth between enjoying the peace & quiet of being here by myself & being really lonely & homesick. Most people here at the RMH come & go really quickly. There are some people who are going to be here a long time (like me), but most of us are so busy going back & forth to the hospital that we don't connect with each other. Plus, most of the people are just not people I would normally be friends with. I try to like everyone, but personality-wise, I don't think I could just hang out with some of the people here. I did meet one family from Davenport that seem okay, so that is a nice connection to home. They have a little girl in the NICU, so they will be here a while, too.
So there is my update for today – some happy, some not so much. Hopefully I'll be able to get on soon & tell you all sorts of good things, but in the NICU there are always ups & downs. I will let you know soon how things are going. Hope you're all having a great day!!!
~Renee
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