But God...

Last week I was talking to my mom about wanting a necklace I could put birthstones in, but I didn't want something permanent because our family could still change. I remembered that there are lockets that hold charms, but after looking into a few, they all seemed so expensive. I put it on the back burner & figured I'd throw it out as a birthday or Mother's Day gift idea for next year. 

When I was visiting the NICU on Monday, there was a gift bag near Matthew's bed. I assumed it was for me, but it was never given to me, so I left it alone. When I was back Thursday, Matthew's nurse gave it to me. Dylan helped me open it, pulling out things & handing them to me. A card, a candle, a few other items. But the last thing he pulled out was a locket, exactly like I had been looking for. It has a charm that says "love," a preemie awareness ribbon, & Matthew's birthstone. There was a card in with the necklace with a Facebook page of the lady who sells the necklaces (Denise - The Scarf and Jewelry Lady). I contacted her because I wanted to go purchase charms for Dylan & Andrew & for other important things in my life. When my mom & I went to her house/shop, she was telling me that the Silver Linings Foundation purchases them from her each year, but they never know much about the people they are going to. How I ended up with a necklace with Matthew's birthstone is a mystery...but God.

The sweet lady let me sift through her charms for an hour looking for exactly what I wanted & helped me make sure they would all fit. And she put up with me changing my mind about a few & switched them out for me before we left her house. Also, she had really adorable puppies (okay, they were actually small dogs) that let us carry them around.

So here's what I ended up with:

3 heart birthstones - one for each of my boys!

1 emerald stone - Derrick & I were married in May, so that's the stone for that month

My preemie awareness ribbon - I never would have picked it myself, but I love it. Preemies are part of who our family is now!

A cross with pink stones & a Jesus charm - a reminder of what God has done & is still doing for us.

A silver heart with "Loved Always" on it - representing our foster babies who are always loved in our hearts, even if they aren't still in our home.

And finally, a silver background plate that says "Pray More, Worry Less."

Our family has had a whirlwind of a last year, but the last 6 months have been especially difficult. Family changes (so many changes!), big decisions, medical issues... it's overwhelming in all ways. 

But God...

God has carried us through. He has been healing our hearts. He brought our Matthew back from the edge between life & death. He has spoken  very clearly to Derrick & I separately about a big decision we needed to make. He has kept our family strong while we have been separated. He has never left us. What a blessing it is to be reminded that God in heaven cares about me. This necklace is a reminder of my life & family, but most of all, it is a reminder that life can be crazy...but God