I have been kind of avoiding writing this post. It has been a rough few months for me & I wasn't sure that I was willing to share what's been going on. But, then I remembered that I want to be honest on this blog & that maybe my trials will help someone else to have the freedom to talk about what it going on in their lives.
In October, I had another miscarriage. Very few people actually know that it happened. This was miscarriage #4. Everything seemed to be going so well with the pregnancy - lots of nausea, lots of fatigue. I was doing all the things I should have been doing, including taking a supplement to help the placenta grow. One day I started spotting & things when downhill from there. I saw my doctor & we did an ultrasound. Just as I've had in the past, there was a sac, but no baby. We planned to repeat the ultrasound in a couple weeks to see if I was just not as far along as we thought. Before the next scheduled appointment, I miscarried at home. We went in to confirm that my uterus was empty & it was, so we headed home with expected, but very sad news.
It was very hard to make it through those few weeks surrounding the miscarriage. Trying to carry on like all was okay & normal when it very much wasn't. Trying to care for my boys & household while feeling awful, both physically & emotionally. Working at the church in the nursery & with the kids. It was painful to even be there. Several friends has little babies & I couldn't bring myself to hold those sweet babies that I had been so excited about just weeks before. My heart was absolutely broken because my baby was taken away.
Unless you have had a miscarriage, you don't really understand. When my dear best friend miscarried before I had any little ones, I didn't know what to say to her. I was super sad for her, but I had no idea what she was going through. Now I have had 4, so I know painfully well what she was feeling. You find out you are pregnant & are so excited...you have dreams & plans for this baby. Is it a boy or a girl? What will we name it? Who will it look like? Who will this baby grow up to be? And then, in an instant, all those dreams are ripped away as your body, created to protect this growing life, fails, & you are left to make sense of it. Having struggled to get pregnant with both boys, but also experiencing miscarriages - I'd rather just not get pregnant than get my hopes up.
We hope & pray to have more little ones in our home. We don't know if they will be biological, adopted, foster. Dylan asks almost daily for a baby sister. Maybe that will happen one day. We are working through our foster care applications & classes. I check adoptions sites several times a day. I have been advocating for several little ones and their (soon-to-be) families because even if I can't bring those little ones home, they still need a family. At this point we are just trying to trust that God has a plan bigger than us & that we just don't understand it yet. I take comfort in knowing that one day in heaven I will understand the plan God has been working out through our lives.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Monday, December 1, 2014
Crochet Project
Starting today, I am running a fundraiser for a fantastic family! Kami & Chris are adopting a sweet girl from eastern Europe & I want to see her get home!
Throughout December, 25% of all proceeds from crochet orders will go to benefit their adoption! I am super excited to see how much money we can raise! If you don't need anything crocheted, you can still donate to their fund at http://reecesrainbow.org/76470/sponsorladybug
Here are some examples of what I can do. All orders are custom made unless otherwise indicated, so please contact me if there is something you would like but don't see on my page. I will be taking orders & getting them out as quickly as I can, but I may need to stop orders if I get too many...I hope I can reach the "too many" limit! (Local orders can be picked up or delivered. Non-local orders will have a $2 shipping charge.)
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151876311376031.1073741826.515621030&type=1&l=f25e8243a2
Please contact me with any questions! Thank you for all your support! You are making a difference for a real little girl on the other side of the world & her family is so grateful!
Throughout December, 25% of all proceeds from crochet orders will go to benefit their adoption! I am super excited to see how much money we can raise! If you don't need anything crocheted, you can still donate to their fund at http://reecesrainbow.org/76470/sponsorladybug
Here are some examples of what I can do. All orders are custom made unless otherwise indicated, so please contact me if there is something you would like but don't see on my page. I will be taking orders & getting them out as quickly as I can, but I may need to stop orders if I get too many...I hope I can reach the "too many" limit! (Local orders can be picked up or delivered. Non-local orders will have a $2 shipping charge.)
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151876311376031.1073741826.515621030&type=1&l=f25e8243a2
Please contact me with any questions! Thank you for all your support! You are making a difference for a real little girl on the other side of the world & her family is so grateful!
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